Mimi Pond
What do women want? Shoes.Collection: Funny
What becomes of the broken-hearted? They buy shoes.Collection: Shoes
Planning your own coming-of-age experience may wither you prematurely, but just think of it this way: If you can get through this, childbirth should be a breeze.Collection: Thinking
... the running shoe ... could be called the Swiss Army knife of footwear ... What appeal is there to a shoe whose only selling point is comfort?Collection: Running
Walking in high heels should be made an Olympic sport.Collection: Sports
How to Tell If Shoes Fit: Walking around the shoe store is not going to tell you any more than test-driving a car around a showroom. And those little mirrors? That's so you can tell how your cat is going to like your shoes. The real way to tell how shoes fit is how badly you want them.Collection: Real
It is tempting to think of your husband-to-be as just another bridal accessory. It may be easier for him to play along with this too. After all, you don't expect your shoes or your beaded bag to help you make decisions.Collection: Husband
Remember when you were eleven years old and you thought how great it would be to get your period? And then you got it? That's what planning a wedding is like.Collection: Years
Your wedding will not be what you think it is going to be, no matter what you think it is going to be.Collection: Thinking
Of all the wonderful things that men and women share, shoes, tragically, are not one of them. This is because men lack the shoe chromosome.Collection: Men
In LA, it's the law that you must be engaged in writing a screenplay with your hairdresser, pool boy, personal trainer, life coach, dog walker, or yoga instructor.Collection: Dog
Even if you're fat, one thing always fits: shoes.Collection: Shoes
The most important thing, of course, is that you should look more stunning than you have ever looked in your life. How many excuses do you have to wear a dress bigger than anyone else's, at a party just for you, where everyone has to burst into tears from how gorgeous you look while you prance around in front of them? Remember, your lifelong happiness depends on this one article of clothing. If it doesn't look good, you're not a bride. You're just some idiot in a big white thing - a color unflattering to about 93 percent of the population.Collection: Party
I wasn’t invited to be on staff at the Simpsons because they didn’t want any women on staff at the time.Collection: Want
By about a week before the big day, you will have received less than half of your invitation response cards. Panic sets in when it occurs to you that everyone invited will actually show up. You couldn't have made it easier for your guests. You have included a card that had boxes for 'will attend' or 'will not attend.' You included a pre-addressed, stamped envelope. How inconvenient could it be for them simply to check it off and drop it in in a mailbox? Very inconvenient. You, evil bride-to-be, are confronting two basic human fears. A terror of correspondence and the dread of decision-making.Collection: Two
Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.Collection: People
Show me a woman with a subscription to a bridal magazine and I'll show you someone who doesn't even have a boyfriend.Collection: Magazines
How to Tell a Good Pair of Shoes: Do you like them? Then they're good shoes.Collection: Shoes
Buying shoes is the highest form of shopping.Collection: Shoes
Plastic shoes are to the shoe world what fast food is to fine cuisine.Collection: Shoes
The woman who steals your boyfriend has the ugliest shoes on earth. Truly hideous. You wouldn't be caught dead in them.Collection: Shoes
People have an annoying tendency to compare shoe prices with the cost of other things. They might say, 'Wow - those shoes cost as much as a sofa!' Well, this may be true, but the comparison is so silly. After all, you can't wear a sofa.Collection: Silly