Karl Kraus
It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean.
I don't like to meddle in my private affairs.
An idea's birth is legitimate if one has the feeling that one is catching oneself plagiarizing oneself.
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.Collection: Funny
The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people worse than they are.Collection: Thinking
Most people only do what they are asked to do; success comes to those who do a little more.Collection: People
War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that he too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.Collection: War
Penalties serve to deter those who are not inclined to commit any crimes.Collection: Crime
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off.Collection: Hope
There are women who are not beautiful but only look that way.Collection: Beauty
The streets of Vienna are paved with culture, the streets of other cities with asphalt.Collection: Cities
How do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists, then believe what they read.Collection: War
Many desire to kill me, and many wish to spend an hour chatting with me. The law protects me from the former.Collection: Law
We are sacrificing ourselves for our ready-made goods; we are consumers and live in such a way that the means may consume the end.Collection: Mean
A school without grades must have been concocted by someone who was drunk on non-alcoholic wine.Collection: Education
Moral responsibility is what is lacking in a man when he demands it of a woman.Collection: Responsibility
When a man is treated like a beast, he says, 'After all, I'm human.' When he behaves like a beast, he says 'After all, I'm only human.Collection: Men
Lord, forgive them, for they know what they do!Collection: Forgiveness
Religion, morality, and patriotism are feelings that are manifested only when they are outraged.Collection: Feelings
In case of doubt, decide in favor of what is correct.Collection: Decision
My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin.Collection: Common
A historian is not always a prophet facing backwards, but a journalist is always someone who afterwards knew everything beforehand.Collection: Journalism
Psychoanalysts are father confessors who like to listen to the sins of the father as well.Collection: Father
It is the mission of the press to disseminate intellect and at the same time destroy receptivity to it.Collection: Journalism
I can say with pride that I have spent days and nights not reading anything, and that with unflagging energy I use every moment toacquire gradually an encyclopedic lack of education.Collection: Education
A plagiarist should be made to copy the author a hundred times.Collection: Plagiarism
He who sleeps half a day has won half a life.Collection: Life
They judge lest they be judged.Collection: Judging
Keep your passions in check, but beware of giving your reason free rein.Collection: Passion
In a hollow head there is much room for knowledge.Collection: Knowledge
One cannot dictate an aphorism to a typist. It would take too long.Collection: Long
The new psychiatrists say that everything and anything can be traced back to sexual causes. Their method, for example, could be explained as the eroticism of father confessors.Collection: Father
How unreliable is the woman caught being faithful! Today she is faithful to you, tomorrow to another.Collection: Faithful
Not greeting people isn't enough. One also doesn't greet people one doesn't know.Collection: People
Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves.Collection: Dog
To write a novel may be pure pleasure. To live a novel presents certain difficulties. As for reading a novel, I do my best to get out of it.Collection: Reading
Humanity and bestiality: when will the former finally be uttered with the flavor of hate and the latter with the flavor of love? Does a lion tear his fellow lion to pieces?Collection: Hate
The esthete stands in the same relation to beauty as the pornographer stands to love, and the politician stands to life.Collection: Life
Anesthesia: wounds without pain. Neurasthenia: pain without wounds.Collection: Pain
Many share my views with me. But I don't share them with them.Collection: Views
Since the day man first tried to conquer space, the earth has been mobilizing.Collection: Men
Morality is a burglar's tool whose merit lies in never being left behind at the scene of the crime.Collection: Lying
Artists have a right to be modest and a duty to be vain.Collection: Artist
I am not for women but against men.Collection: Men
I have decided many a stylistic problem first by my head, then by heads or tails.Collection: Heads Or Tails
The real truths are those that can be invented.Collection: Truth
Blushing, palpitations, a bad conscience--this is what you get if you haven't sinned.Collection: Palpitation
Heinrich Heine so loosened the corsets of the German language that today every little salesman can fondle her breasts.Collection: German Language
The psychoanalysts pick our dreams as if they were our pockets.Collection: Dream