Jeremy Clarkson
Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.Collection: Mean
Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.Collection: Light
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?Collection: Top Gear
Because drug dealers shoot each other in London, Norfolk farmers can't have guns to defend their homes. I mean, no one wants a gun - except at 4am when they hear a strange sound in the kitchen.Collection: Mean
I therefore have to use The Force. And weirdly, this doesn't work very well. I don't understand why, because on the last census, I put my religion down as Jedi Knight.Collection: Knights
If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.Collection: Football
Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.Collection: Sexually Transmitted Diseases
If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?Collection: People
Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.Collection: Tattoo
Why is the forecast so bland? Why instead of 'stormy' don't they just say the sea's 'a frothing maelstrom of terror and hopelessness'?Collection: Sea
Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.Collection: Clouds
When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.Collection: Car
Ecologically speaking, a spilt tanker load is like sticking a safety pin into an elephant's foot. The planet barely notices. After the Exxon Valdez accident in Alaska the oil company spent billions tidying up the coastline, but it was a waste of money because the waves were cleaning up faster than Exxon could. Environmentalists can never accept the planet's ability to self-heal.Collection: Nature
Extravagant is, I think, the word we all thought when we met ... A lot of money went into that [The Grand Tour's ]. I just thought it would be a good idea to have a bridge from the old to the new and that was a way of saying 'Right, well now look where we are.'Collection: Thinking
Mix an anorexic body with a heart made of pure fire and you are going to go with a savagery that's hard to explain.Collection: Heart
This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.Collection: Perfect
Planet Earth thought it had £10. But it turns out we only had £2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealthCollection: Mean
.. international hand of freindship. A cigaretteCollection: Hands
We don't know how many people are watching The Grand Tour's - it's a closely guarded secret, we don't even know - the only thing we can do is make a program that we enjoy. And then hope that we're not so unusual that other people won't share our taste.Collection: People
I'd just find a story in Canada and come and do it. Combine harvester banger - actually I've done that: banger racing up in Red Deer [in Alberta, for his 1998 doc series Extreme Machines].Collection: Racing
It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.Collection: Thinking
When we went to Canada [with Top Gear], I was staggered about how many people got in touch ... Before we finish with The Grand Tour, we'll definitely be appearing in Canada at some point. Nothing is more certain than that.Collection: People
Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I’m coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.Collection: Fun
You take out an injunction against somebody or some organisation and immediately news of that injunction and the people involved and the story behind the injunction is in a legal-free world on Twitter and the Internet. It’s pointless.Collection: Stories