Earl Wilson
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.Collection: Science
Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.Collection: Experience
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?Collection: Money
The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.Collection: Equality
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.Collection: Death
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.Collection: Money
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.Collection: Success
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.Collection: Home
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.Collection: Medical
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.Collection: Car
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.Collection: Inspirational
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.Collection: Funny
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.Collection: Funny
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.Collection: Husband
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.Collection: Sex
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.Collection: Travel
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.Collection: Horse
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.Collection: Disappointment
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.Collection: Success
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.Collection: Men
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.Collection: Jumping
There's only one kind of tax that would please everybody - one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.Collection: Guy
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.Collection: Biblical
Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold - but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.Collection: Doctors
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.Collection: Country
A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.Collection: Guy
Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.Collection: Boys
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car backCollection: Family
He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.Collection: Sarcastic