Doug Larson
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.Collection: Wisdom
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.Collection: Parenting
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.Collection: Gardening
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!Collection: Success
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.Collection: Anniversary
Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.Collection: Good
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.Collection: Food
A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.Collection: Humor
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.Collection: Computers
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.Collection: Time
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.Collection: Wisdom
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.Collection: Change
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.Collection: Experience
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.Collection: Car
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.Collection: Happiness
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.Collection: Age
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.Collection: Nature
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.
There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.
There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.Collection: Funny
It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.Collection: Uplifting
It's a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.Collection: Wise
For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.Collection: Believe
The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.Collection: Patience
The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.Collection: Grandmother
The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there's only one other choice.Collection: Inspirational
In debating the respective merits of dogs and cats, not having to walk a cat when it's 20 below zero deserves consideration.Collection: Dog
Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights, the greater the distance between gates.Collection: Distance
Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.Collection: Purpose
There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.Collection: Family
Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.Collection: Hockey
An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.Collection: Reputation
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?Collection: Children
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.Collection: Work
A perfect example of the power of prayer is when a blizzard closes the schools on the day of a big exam.Collection: Prayer