David Cross
I don't mean this to sound hyperbolic but there are increasingly, albeit really minor, similarities between now and how Germany was lulled into what happened pre-WW2.Collection: Mean
A verbose, prosaic review which mentions whistling winds and the timeless feeling of jade doesn't mean anything to me; I don't need a novella telling me about how an album is like a fine meal.Collection: Mean
I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.Collection: Mean
All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced.Collection: Funny
I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.Collection: Funny
I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.Collection: Funny
High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.Collection: Funny
Hopefully people will be reinventing comedy forever and ever. This is just what I do, and it's a type of comedy.Collection: People
Go back and read Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here or Babbitt. For a guy or girl who's going to do an hour of political comedy, it might be a little rough, sure. But I think if you're spending 10 minutes or less, and you're talking about - not necessarily [Donald Trump] but his supporters and the media coverage, there's all kinds of angles to explore. It doesn't just have to be simply, "This guy is crazy!" It's more about the idea of that kind of guy rising to the prominence he has, to actually become the Republican candidate.Collection: Girl
I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.Collection: Funny
What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?Collection: Funny
I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.Collection: Atheist
I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, "It's just shock value. It's not even funny." I disagree. There's different ways to be funny and to be a comedian.Collection: Issues
I do not want to encourage heckling and outbreaks at all.Collection: Want
There is also a kind of mean-spiritedness with LA comics.Collection: Mean
And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter.Collection: Writing
I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.Collection: Beer
I know this is obviously biased as well, but in my Twitter feed, on my Facebook, 90 percent are gushing, glowing, "Thank you for doing that" - type of reviews. "It's ballsy, it's honest, it's hilarious" - that kind of stuff. Obviously those are fans.Collection: Glowing
There is nothing interesting about just seeing me doing the show then seeing the fans and how much people love me.Collection: People
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.Collection: Funny
I've had plenty of negative reviews. I have my entire life.Collection: Negative
I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.Collection: Thinking
I just did 101 shows in 86 different cities in America and Europe and Canada, and I'm not lying or exaggerating when I say, at the vast majority of shows, they loved it. There were encores, there were standing ovations.Collection: Lying
There were a handful of shows that were just painful. Not many, but things where I just said going into it, "Why am I here? What am I doing?"Collection: Painful
The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism.Collection: Xenophobia
I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like "An Evening Of Political Comedy."Collection: Moving
I love Tinkle, it’s really the most fun I’ve had in years.Collection: Fun