Darynda Jones
I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.Collection: Trying
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.Collection: Funny
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.Collection: Goal
I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.Collection: Sanity
When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRTCollection: Tape
Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.Collection: Judging
If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.Collection: Inspirational
I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.Collection: Gone
An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.Collection: Jobs
What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and soul. I want you in my bed every night. I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want your clothes strung across my apartment and your scent on my skin.Collection: Morning
I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRTCollection: T Shirt
I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.Collection: Road Less Traveled
Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.Collection: Funny Life
I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirtCollection: Fighting
Death comes to those who wait. And to those who don't. So either way.Collection: Waiting
I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.Collection: Gun
Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.Collection: Coffee
If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.Collection: Fighting
This is one Fruit Loop beyond certifiable.Collection: Fruit
It is sexy in here or is it just me?Collection: Sexy
If you must eat a banana in public, never make eye contact.Collection: Eye
I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I.Collection: Coffee
It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.Collection: Fall
Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.Collection: Jobs
Wait, what are you doing?” She could apparently hear the strain in my voice as I craned my neck from side to side. “I’m trying to see past a little girl on my hood." “Oh. Isn’t that dangerous?” “Normally. But she has a knife.” “Oh, well, then, I guess it’s okay.Collection: Girl
What in the name of Zeus's testicles?Collection: Names
My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.” I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?” I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.Collection: Names
Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My FeetCollection: Feet
Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & CookieCollection: Naps
The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.” I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.Collection: Moving
I can hear other things, too. Before you came around, I had no idea a man could make a girl scream like that. Reyes seems very talented.Collection: Girl
Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper stickerCollection: Hands
I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badlyCollection: Son
The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.Collection: Stories
I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.Collection: Eyebrows
She reached up and curled her fingers into mine. “He should take you to dinner.” To say that the mere thought horrified me would have been a grievous understatement. I threw up a little in my mouth then swallowed hard. I told Taft when I recovered, “Just please, for the love of God, find a girl good enough to take home to your mother. And do it soon.” “And stop dating skanks.Collection: Girl
I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.Collection: Liars
Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.Collection: Boys
Reyes, what happened?” He‘d been busy nibbling his way to my collarbone, his hot mouth evoking seismic activity at each point of contact. I really hated to interrupt, but … “Reyes, are you listening to me?” He raised his head, a sensual grin playing at the corners of his mouth, and said, “I‘m listening.” “To what? The sound of blood rushing to your nether regions?” “No,” he said with a husky chuckle that made me tingle everywhere. “To your heartbeat.Collection: Rushing
I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.Collection: Passing By
There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~Collection: Spiders
They were back. The demons in all their glory. And they had a plan. I made plans sometimes, too, but they rarely involved world domination. Hot dogs on a grill, maybe. Tequila.Collection: Dog
I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, "This is Beam Me Up." Then to my right. "And this is Scotty." Garret chuckled and buried his face in his hands. He asked.Collection: Hands
He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.Collection: Girl
But we'd never really seen eye to eye. Mostly 'cause he was much taller than I was.Collection: Eye
My prodding me didn't elicit a reaction. His unseeing eyes stared straight through me. Which was odd. He'd seemed so sane huddled in Cookie's trunk.Collection: Eye
You can’t have him, okay,” she said from behind the wire barrier. “Mm-hmm,” I whispered. “This is certainly a beautiful neighborhood.” “Yeah, I guess.” “I will scratch those eyes out of your ugly head.Collection: Beautiful
Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.Collection: Balance
Did you get checked out?” “Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me.” “I meant by a doctor.” “No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I’d be fine." “Oh, and he’s an expert?” “At flirting.Collection: Eye
I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.Collection: Moving