Brendan Behan
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.Collection: Saint
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.Collection: Food
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.Collection: Respect
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.Collection: Money
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.Collection: Death
Every man, through fear, mugs his aspirations a dozen times a day.Collection: Fear
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action.Collection: Marriage
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.Collection: Relationship
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.Collection: Love
At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self.
I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today.
I am a daylight atheist.
There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
I am a drinker with writing problems.
If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.
If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.
All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.
No man can discover his own talents.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.
The prospect of success in achieving our most cherished dream is not without its terrors. Who is more deprived and alone than the man who has achieved his dream?
Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.
What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.
When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
A quotation in a speech, article or book is like a rifle in the hands of an infantryman. It speaks with authority.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.
I wish I'd been a mixed infant.
I say myself no depressed words just depressed minds.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.Collection: Drinking
They took away our land, our language, and our religion; but they could never harness our tongues.Collection: Land
The only thing I envy in young people is their livers.Collection: People
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.Collection: Suicide
The terrorist is the one with the small bomb.Collection: Peace
Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.Collection: Prison
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.Collection: Drinking
I ruined my health drinking to other people's.Collection: Drinking
There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.Collection: Miserable
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.Collection: Addiction
Every cripple has his own way of walking.Collection: Way
When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.Collection: Fighting
Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.Collection: Prayer
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.Collection: Marriage
Message? What the hell do you think I am, a bloody postman?Collection: Clever
I'm a drinker with a writing problem.Collection: Writing