Andy Rooney
Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.Collection: Space
I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.Collection: Animal
Dogs are nicer than people.Collection: Dog
If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.Collection: Hurt
You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.Collection: Airplane
American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.Collection: Clothes
I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.Collection: Attitude
In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.Collection: Book
I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.Collection: Opportunity
I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn offCollection: Letters
I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.Collection: I've Learned
I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.Collection: Class
I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.Collection: Country
The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.Collection: Yesterday
I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.Collection: Compassion
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'Collection: Being Positive
Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.Collection: People
Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.Collection: Bed
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.Collection: Night
I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.Collection: May
I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.Collection: Giving
I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.Collection: Summer
I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.Collection: Atheist
I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.Collection: Marriage
It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.Collection: Delay
I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.Collection: Life
Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.Collection: People
If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.Collection: Running
When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.Collection: Education
I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.Collection: Grandchildren
I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.Collection: Doe
Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.Collection: Food
We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.Collection: Loneliness
I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.Collection: Feels
I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.Collection: Time Heals
I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.Collection: Docks
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.Collection: Clothes
I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.Collection: Country
Unfortunately, propaganda works.Collection: Propaganda
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.Collection: People
Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.Collection: Food
Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.Collection: Believe
Why am I an atheist? I ask you: Why is anybody not an atheist? Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated. I resent anyone pushing their religion on me. I don't push my atheism on anybody else. Live and let live. Not many people practice that when it comes to religion.Collection: Atheist
All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.Collection: Education
Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than othersCollection: Age
I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.Collection: People
I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.Collection: Appreciation
In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.Collection: Mind
Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.Collection: Time