Miranda Hart
If you're naturally a certain size, I think it suits you and you can see that. There's no point in trying to conform for the sake of it. People are meant to be different shapes, and their different shapes are so interesting and, ultimately, why people fall in love with them.
I spent my childhood clad in 1970s hand-me-downs, primarily from male cousins, which mainly consisted of a selection of beige, brown and orange dungarees. That, combined with a perfectly round pudding-bowl haircut, made me look, on a good day, like a cross between Ann Widdecombe, one of the Flower Pot Men, and a monk.
However much I might have yearned to be one of The Beautiful Ones, particularly at those ghastly school discos, where any desperate attempt to impress the opposite sex lead to at best deep humiliation, I now feel extremely blessed that I wasn't.
If taking one-self seriously as a woman means committing to a life of grooming, pumicing, pruning and polishing one's exterior for the benefit of onlookers, then I may as well leave my unwieldy rucksack to the top of a bleak Scottish hill and make my home there under a stone, where I'll fashion shoes out of mud and clothes out of leaves.
I never admitted what I wanted to do for a career to anyone until I was 26. I wish I'd piped up at 18.
Reviews are written by people who don't understand the process of sitcom. I don't read reviews of anything. I go by word of mouth.
I started watching some 'Doctor Who' recently on my own and got too scared. I had to watch it in the daytime - I'm pathetic.
I wanted to be a farmer's wife. I thought it would be quite fun to wake up of a morning, collect eggs and have sheep and pigs as pets. I know now that it would also involve having to sleep with the farmer, but at the time I wasn't thinking about the sexual implications - I was 11.
By the age of 13, I knew I wanted to be a comedian like Morecambe and Wise. So, obviously, I thought I'd better start practising my interviews for Parkinson. Don't look shocked - I wasn't the only teenager to imagine that. Though I may have been the only one to have chosen T'Pau as my walk-on music.
We all get given these bodies, and they're all fascinating and different... I wouldn't want to be without the wrinkles.
Being tall is very good for reaching high shelves and seeing in a crowd. Sadly, it has also given me the inability to dance. There's too much of me to look neat, which is most disappointing.
Things don't have to come to you in your youth. It's fine for them to come to you when you get older. That's a motto in my household.
I have a fantastic method for anti-ageing. It's eating. Plumps out your skin beautifully.
It's a vicious circle. If you feel hideous, you convey it to people. A couple of male friends from university have said, 'I quite fancied you, but I wouldn't have dared...' and I was like, 'Oh really?' I was completely amazed that anyone had ever fancied me, and also that I'd obviously given an impression of 'Don't touch me.'
It's on the bucket list for sure to do a comedy film, even if it was just one line on the lot.
I loved school. Not sure how much I focused on the education; just had fun and played lacrosse for seven years. It was lucky I had sport, which I was good at, so it didn't matter that I wasn't great on the academic side, or not brilliant at drama. Although I am still bitter about not being in the school choir. Furious, actually.
I absolutely don't write for women - far, far from it. It's so not what I want to do. Some of the writers, who have helped out at the beginning and end of the process - they're all men - have suggested quite feminine subjects they want me to explore. And I'm always, simply, 'No.' I don't want to do diets, don't want to. I just can't do it.
I know there are fewer women comics, and I think there'll continue to be an inherent sexism in many industries, comedy being one, just because things do take a while to evolve. Things are changing, but it's going to take time. I accept this rather than getting angry about it.
As a woman, it seems you can't just be a comedian; you're always classed as something else, too, whether that's 'beautiful,' 'pint-sized,' 'larger-than-life' or in my case, 'Hattie Jacques-esque,' 'the giraffe,' 'big.'
I'm quite a confident person in many ways, but there's only so much you can hear about being compared to Hattie Jacques. For the record, she was a comedy goddess, but she was 25 stone. I hope I'm right in saying I'm not in any way nearly 25 stone.
People are obviously going to mention what I look like, but it's a shame it has to be a key part. I can't just be Miranda.
I have lots of ambitions. I'd love to do theatre. I'd like to be in 'Tea With Mussolini 2;' I'd like to touch Meryl Streep - which would involve being with her in some exotic location. I have lots of fantastical dreams.
Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.Collection: Hands
Look in the mirror and say, 'There is none other like you and for that reason alone you are beautiful.Collection: Beautiful
Live in hope. Because things do happen. Things do change. Worry really is futile. Don't fear the future. Dreams do come true.Collection: Dream
I think it's sad when people stop dreaming, or start losing hope. Because holding onto the bonkers dream might just turn out to be the most marvellous thing you ever did.Collection: Dream
Imagine for a moment playing by children's rules. If you were at a party and saw someone you liked, you could just go and hold their hand. If they then try to kiss you and you don't like it, you can push them over. If your aunty gives you a Christmas present that you're not too keen on, you can throw it back in her face and burst into tears. You can gallop freely. You can skip. Children have got it right. The tragedy is, none of this is permissible as an adult. Although one thing surely is – and I'll bet you know what I'm going to say – that's right, the galloping. Such fun!Collection: Children
I have written the only diet book that I believe needs to exist, and here it is: CHAPTER ONE: Eat a bit less. CHAPTER TWO: Move about a bit more. THE END.Collection: Believe
There are some wonderful aspects to Christmas. It's magical. And each year, from at least November, well, September, well, if I'm honest, May, I look forward to it hugely.Collection: Christmas
We all have our worries about our bodies and our looks. We just need to make the best of our lovely, wonky selves. The key is never to compare and try to be something you're not.Collection: Keys
Get me a skinny frappuccino. I have no idea what that is - I would like to think you would be presented with a tiny Italian man.Collection: Italian
We are all unique, which makes us beautiful; so never despair, and just chill the hell out about it all.Collection: Beautiful
I don't know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.Collection: Couple
Also, in your 20s, if you are beautiful, everything comes to you, so you never need to develop a personality. I never had that problem.Collection: Beautiful
Very important to celebrate victories, however tiny, I always say.Collection: Victory
You need to know that even as life develops in superficially disappointing ways, there is still fun to be had.Collection: Fun
My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends'. And Goran Ivanisevic.Collection: Crush
some of my happiest funniest times have been spent in offices. Perhaps because the work was mudane, even the tiniest of distractions become wildly hilarious and wonderful. Actually, I'd say that 90 per cent of my doubled-over-gasping-with-laughther-laughing-so-much-that-you-can't-breathe-and-you-think-you-might-die laughing has occurred during slow days in offices.Collection: Thinking
Life is a series of embarrassing moments which leave you feeling alone in your confusion and shameCollection: Confusion
If I did better... I'd be God.Collection: Miranda
My Dear Reader Chum, a very hearty hello to you. What an honour and privilege it is to have you perusing my written word.Collection: Privilege