A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.Collection: Thanksgiving
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.Collection: Pet
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.Collection: Business
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.Collection: Best
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.Collection: Famous
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.Collection: Patience
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.Collection: Nature
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.Collection: Failure
Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.Collection: Home
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.Collection: Peace
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.Collection: Government
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.Collection: Happiness
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.Collection: Change
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.Collection: Music
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.Collection: Alone
When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.Collection: Money
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.Collection: Men
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.Collection: Men
All the world loves a good loser.Collection: Failure
Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.Collection: Life
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.Collection: Money
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.Collection: Home
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.Collection: Home
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.Collection: Smile
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.Collection: Christmas
As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.