Keegan-Michael Key
There is nothing more dangerous on planet Earth than a black wife.Collection: Wife
You could figure out at least 80 percent of the context and meaning of a text if people used punctuation, and we wouldn't have had to write our sketch.Collection: Writing
I think the reason I went into theater, ultimately, was because that was one of multicultural groups. Because you identify with other people that share similar passions to you, so it didn't matter how much melanin was in their skin.Collection: Passion
If I could just get over my issues of wanting people to like me.Collection: People
The fact of the matter is, you can't do comedy unless someone is behaving badly. Otherwise, it's not a comedy.Collection: Comedy
I have this little thing that people call Keegan-ese, where I don't speak English words at all. I just say stuff like, "You gotta toish the doish and you gotta maloish the hoish."Collection: Speak English
We[with Jordan Peele] wanted to do something with [Barack] Obama because we actually felt that Obama was kind of responsible for us even getting a show in the first place because there's this biracial person who might, you know, have to ride the divide between two different races.Collection: Race
I have always, or for the most part, identified myself as a biracial person. Much to the chagrin of a lot of African-American people that I meet, because it's almost like there's a betrayal, an intrinsic betrayal: "Don't do that, brotha, we need you. We need you here, in this fold."Collection: Betrayal
We share plates [with Jordan Peele], and we also very often will sit in the corner and kind of speak in our own language.Collection: Jordan
My favorite, favorite, favorite, and the greatest comedian that could ever exist if you could Frankenstein a comedian together, would be one part Richard Pryor, one part Peter Sellers. That would be the greatest comic actor.Collection: Comedian
We've decided [with Jordan Peele] that we need to be on the Internet for a little bit of time every day to figure out what's going on. It feels like we're working. It feels like you're all typing and you're searching.Collection: Jordan
We've caught people watching us, and I'll look at them and I'll go, "It's just us. It's just our thing. It's just what we do."Collection: People
[Adoption] could turn you into an exquisite comedian. Ask Richard Pryor's ghost.Collection: Adoption
[The rumor that Leonardo DiCaprio on set was raped by a bear] was as silly as Lady Gaga bumping him or moving his arm out of the way [at the Golden Globes]. People straight be bored.Collection: Silly
I want people to say, "Oh my God, I'm laughing out loud at television."Collection: People
My father has passed away. He was African-American. My mother is white. So I was adopted by a couple that was of a similar dynamic as my biological parents.Collection: Mother
One time I said to Jordan [Peele], in a text, "I will pick you up at 2:30. So if you're just standing out in front of the building, we'll go from there to the next meeting. Cool?" And my man just writes, "Wordness to the turdness."Collection: Writing
Like every human we have to categorize ourselves, so you kind of start to build a mythos 'cause I had no information about [ biological mother]. So you have to build a mythos around yourself. And so my mythos included me not being wanted or me being a wretched person, which is just great fertilizer for comedy.Collection: Mother
If you take something like the slave-auction sketch, the warmth of the light gives it a crisp 12 Years a Slave look. And your eye tells your brain, "I should be taking this seriously."Collection: Eye