Joel McHale
In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!Collection: Beauty
My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.Collection: Famous
If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.Collection: Dreams
All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.
I like anything with Zak Bagans and ghost hunters.
Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.
Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.
It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is.
You have to have talent. You have to get the audition and then you have to nail the audition.
Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.
Follow what your head is telling you and work hard. That's the big secret.
It's an awesome thing to be flung out onto the stage twice a weekend in front of 250 people, and you have to make it up as you go along.
I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.
Netflix is just wonderful.
E! didn't like it when we'd make fun of clips from ESPN - they'd be like, 'That's sports! That's not our audience!'
My children do not know what it's like to flip around channels. They either go to Netflix, Apple TV, or they pull up YouTube, and they can watch their shows.
When I started 'The Soup' back in 2004, I was so anxious because I can't really read, and I had to read teleprompter.
I always excelled in sports, so I knew I had advantages there. That really gave me, like, confidence and self-esteem.
I knew I was good at sports, and I knew I loved acting and performing, so I really dove into that, and school always became secondary.
On 'The Soup,' we were never a political show.
The #MeToo movement is insanely serious, and there's no comedy to be mined out of that.
I don't feel any pressure to joke about #MeToo - in fact, I'd say you shouldn't, because it's a great movement that is exposing some really awful behavior and hopefully changing the culture.
'Maury' and 'Jerry Springer' get so theatrical that it's hard to believe.
E! always wanted me to keep it to entertainment news or entertainment and no sports or anything like that, and don't get too weird.
The editors and the creators of 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' they are so good at casting and at finding these young, beautiful lunatics to go on the show.
I love making fun of YouTubers.
There are always ridiculous things on television or on the Internet that make people go, 'Did you see that?' That could be anything from a clip from the 'Real Housewives' to someone jumping off their roof and missing the pool to a zillion other things.
When E! ended the show, it wasn't because it was low-rated. It was because E! did not want to pay union rerun dues.
I couldn't read the way that other students read, so I would just cheat, which, in my silly brain, I was like, 'This is a skill that I'm developing - how to just get around everything!'
Now I tell my mom, I go, 'Mom, you know when I was a kid and you told me to turn off the television and go outside and play?' I'd be like, 'You literally were hurting my career when you did that. You literally stopped me from doing now, what I do for a living.'
With 'The Soup,' obviously it has to be totally scripted out, and then, within that, I improvise punchlines and sometimes setups if I can't read the teleprompter properly.
I operate off of fear almost exclusively.
When you are an actor or trying to be a working actor in L.A., most people have commercial agents, and then they have legitimate agents, and you just end up going on a thousand auditions.
Acting is what I'd always wanted to do; hosting 'The Soup' was more because of Greg Kinnear.
'Big Brother,' I can't believe people watch. It's just people whispering to each other for hours and then some silly challenge like, who can pull the most stones out of a stuffed alligator, with some product tie-in.
I like 'American Idol' because it's an actual talent contest.
I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.Collection: Survival
I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."Collection: Jobs
If you become famous and you start making money, then people want to give you things. It's the exact opposite of how it's supposed to be.Collection: People
Without a doubt, Robert Rodriguez is the reason I was drawn to it. The fact that he even knew who I was and then was interested in me for the role was amazing. I am a huge fan of his and it's like a bucket list thing for me to be able to work with him and knowing that Jessica Alba and Jeremy Piven were in it I knew that part was going to be good and as you said, the pedigree of the series was great, so it was really one of those things I couldn't resist.Collection: Knowing
I have always survived with comedy, in that I grew up very dyslexic and did not get good grades. I always thought I was dumb, and there are many people out there that would agreeCollection: People
I love performing, and it allows me to be very discerning about what I choose next, thank god.Collection: Thank God
I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.Collection: Thinking
I would like eternal life. I would like to have the power to choose who lives and dies.Collection: Eternal Life
I love the challenge of an entire year has gone by and how has that affected the character you're playing.Collection: Character
It's pretty difficult to promote something the week after Christmas and the week before New Year's.Collection: New Year
So when Community came up and then the movie roles started happening I was very grateful. I am trying to be careful with the movie roles I select because if you pull the trigger too quickly, like choosing a lead role in a crappy movie then you will be put in movie jail and you will never be heard from again. If it's not a big hit you'll be forgotten pretty fast.Collection: Grateful
I've always been very opinionated, for lack of a better term, about art. Not to sound too arrogant, but I guess I'm a connoisseur of telling people what I think is good and bad.Collection: Art
Our mantra is that 90 percent of all television is bad, and ten percent has never been better. We make fun of that 90 percent.Collection: Fun
Bill O'Reilly, Megyn Kelly and Sean Hannity are the Mount Rushmore of keeping old people angry.Collection: People