Helen Rowland
An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.Collection: Country
Before marriage, when a woman speaks to a man in an undertone, he calls it "cooing"; after marriage, he calls it nagging.Collection: Sex
Changing husbands is about as satisfactory as changing a bundle from one hand to the other; it gives you only temporary relief.Collection: Husband
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.Collection: Love
Matrimony is the price of love -- divorce, the rebate.Collection: Divorce
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.Collection: Falling In Love
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.Collection: Men
Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.Collection: Laughter
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.Collection: Love
After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.Collection: Marriage
It is as hard to get a man to stay at home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.Collection: Home
When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.Collection: Life
Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.Collection: Mistake
Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.Collection: Perfect
Love will never be ideal until man recovers from the illusion that he can be just a little bit faithful or a little bit married.Collection: Love
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.Collection: Girl
A man seldom thinks of marrying when he meets his ideal woman; he waits until he gets the marrying fever and then idealizes the first woman he happens to meet.Collection: Men
A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little 'personal characteristics.'Collection: Men
Fortunately for women, most men mistake loneliness for love before marriage, and habit for happiness afterward.Collection: Mistake
A bachelor has to have an inspiration for making love to a woman--a married man needs only an excuse.Collection: Inspiration
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.Collection: Regret
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.Collection: Love
True Love can be no deeper than your capacity for friendship, no higher than your ideals, and no broader than the scope of your vision.Collection: Vision
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.Collection: Funny
Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.Collection: Food
To make a man perfectly happy tell him he works too hard, that he spends too much money, that he is "misunderstood" or that he is "different;" none of this is necessarily complimentary, but it will flatter him infinitely more than merely telling him that he is brilliant, or noble, or wise, or good.Collection: Wise
When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last.Collection: Men
To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.Collection: Giving Up
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.Collection: Funny
Woman's love -- a mirror in which a man beholds himself glorified, magnified and deified.Collection: Men
A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.Collection: Men
A woman flees from temptation, but a man just crawls away from it in the cheerful hope that it may overtake him.Collection: Men
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.Collection: Honeymoon
It's easier to hide your light under a bushel than to keep your shady side dark.Collection: Dark
Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature - and another woman to help him forget them.Collection: Nature
Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.Collection: Marriage
And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.Collection: Women
It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.Collection: Love
Love: woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.Collection: Love
Honeymoons are the beginning of wisdom--but the beginning of wisdom is the end of romance.Collection: Romance
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are 'made in America.'Collection: Divorce
There are only two kinds of men; the dead and the deadly.Collection: Women
The feminine vanity-case is the graveyard of masculine illusions.Collection: Sex
Better a lively old epigram than a deadly new one.Collection: Lively
Variety is the spice of love.Collection: Love
A fool and her money are soon courted.Collection: Funny
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.Collection: Art
Nothing annoys a man as to hear a woman promising to love him "forever" when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.Collection: Men
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.Collection: Kissing