Graham Chapman
All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.Collection: Attitude
There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.
It's nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.
Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love.
We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.
I hope I will have achieved something lasting.
World War II... did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us.
You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.
Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples.
Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable.
Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.
I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.
John Howard Davies was not a very human person... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.
We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!Collection: Lost
Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.Collection: Kilimanjaro
You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.Collection: Country
I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.Collection: Inspirational
Always look on the bright side of life.Collection: Positive Attitude
We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!Collection: Change
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government.Collection: Lying
My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.Collection: Philosophy
This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.Collection: Death
Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.Collection: Perfectly Normal
We found that we didn't have much problem with him [J.C.], it was his followers we found questionable.Collection: Followers
You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.Collection: Animal
Oh, you're in television! That's interesting. No, I mean, the word television is interesting. It's a hybrid, you see: tele- comes from the greek, and -vision comes from the latin. It should have been either "telerama", or "procolvision".Collection: Latin
At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before.Collection: Father
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.Collection: Mother
Nudge, nudge. Snap, snap. Grin, grin. Wink, wink, say no more? Could be, could be taken on holiday. Could be yes - swimming costumes. Know what I mean. Candid photography. Know what I mean, nudge nudge.Collection: Mean
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!Collection: Mean
A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.Collection: Suicide
McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...Collection: Sorry
I fart in your general direction.Collection: Comedy
Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.Collection: Prayer
Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Then what's that?" "Oh come on, pansy!Collection: Scratches
I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.Collection: Cat
In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.Collection: Special
An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition... A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says." No, it's not.Collection: Argument
One thing for sure - a sheep is not a creature of the air.Collection: Sheep
I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam and Spam!Collection: Spam
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.Collection: Peace
When Beethoven went deaf, the mynah bird just used to mime.Collection: Bird
I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim.Collection: Names
WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color?Collection: Color
She turned me into a newt. ... But I got better.Collection: Newts
First you must find... another shrubbery! Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. ("A path! A path!") Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest... with... a herring!Collection: Running
When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life.Collection: Light
Camelot is a silly place.Collection: Silly
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.Collection: Holy Grail
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?Collection: Coconuts