Gary Reilly
Money can't buy happiness—but it can buy beer.Collection: Money
That was how I was going to get things back to normal-by working. I never thought I would use the words “working” and “normal” in the same sentence, but I'll try anything to avoid facing reality.Collection: Reality
Being a cab river is not unlike being a magician--minus the top hat, the cape, the rabbit, an the gorgeous assistant. But you do have an audience.Collection: Rivers
My big dream back then was to buy an IBM Selectric. I still have that dream. I really ought to buy a word-processor. Half the cabbies at Rocky own computers. They tell me they can write failed novels ten times faster on a PC.Collection: Dream
I have completed and uncompleted screenplays, but they both fall into the category of “unsold.” I've seen quite a few movies where the screenplays seemed to be in the “uncompleted” category yet still got sold and made into movies, so I generally refer too all screenplays as “sold” or “unsold.” But that's just my own filing system.Collection: Fall
Adverbs and cops always come in pairs.Collection: Pairs
I was in the land of fakes and frauds and phonies-I felt like saying “Howdy cousin,” to everybody who walked by.Collection: Cousin
It's a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human being might read your words someday.Collection: Writing
I've been broke, and I've been in debt, and broke is better.Collection: Debt
I was driving pretty much the way everyone drives in LA, like elephants dancing on each others’ backs at a circus.Collection: Elephants
One thing I had learned in college was that if you ever had a question about truth, reality, or the meaning of existence, read a novel by Albert Camus. Pretty soon you'll be so baffled you'll forget the question.Collection: Reality
A lot of artists start out as failed poets, then move on to being failed short-story writers before they finally break through to the big time and become failed novelists.Collection: Moving
I had never liked bullying of any sort, especially when an individual acquires his courage by becoming part of a faceless mob. I always say if you need fake courage, get it out of a bottle like I do.Collection: Bullying
... occasionally I see rich-looking women on Rollerblades gripping leashes and being towed bodily by golden retrievers. That's my kind of jogging.Collection: Golden
She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That's a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.Collection: Confused
I guided my heap into the heart of Capitol Hill wondering for the first time in fourteen years what I could do to get money besides drive cabs or rob banks. Both occupations had their pros and cons. For instance, bank robbery isn't quite as dangerous as cab driving, but it pays better.Collection: Heart
Work/Loaf Ratio”...I have spent fourteen years perfecting... I won't bore you with a long-winded explanation of the “W/LR” save to say that it is an algebraic formula of such complex numeric subtlety that it can be understood only by mathematicians and hobos.Collection: Years