Emo Philips
I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.Collection: Calm
My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.Collection: Girlfriend
One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.Collection: Men
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.Collection: Witty
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.Collection: Sexy
I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.Collection: Saving Up
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.Collection: Mom
I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.Collection: Life