Dick Van Dyke
We used to get 27, 28 minutes to do a story in, and now they're lucky if they get 18 or 20 minutes. So I don't think they can really do a beginning, a middle, and an end anymore. There's an awful lot of one-line jokes; almost every line is a punchline. It's not the same, but there's still good comedy around.Collection: Thinking
There are tribes all over the world who sing and dance every day as part of their lives. And we oughta do that.Collection: World
'The Show' was the most fun I ever had and the most creative period of my life.Collection: Fun
A lot of the guilt didn't help my drinking at that point. I never expected a divorce to happen in my life particularly, but it just slowly happened. My wife was proud of me, but she hated the business, and for good reason. The spouses get moved, shoved aside, and ignored, and it's just, it's terrible.Collection: Drinking
We all know we're going to die. We're all circling the drain. Some of us are closer than others. I'm 90, I know I'm closer to the drain than most people.Collection: People
A producer came to me about doing a memoir, and at first I thought, "Well, it's a little bland." But then I realized that almost everything that's happened to me was the result of being in the right place at the right time. And I thought "Well, luck has a lot to do with it," so I wrote it from that perspective.Collection: Perspective
I wasn't a falling-in-the-gutter type. I drank at home because it relaxed me. I was shy around new people, but after a drink or two, I became more sociable.Collection: Fall
I have two kids who were like me, we get out of bed feeling good, and the other two would sit at the breakfast table and grumble. I think it's born into us. I usually wake up feeling pretty good. Looking forward to the day.Collection: Kids
There are people with their iPads are taking pictures so much that they're not experiencing the moment. They go home and look at the pictures later.Collection: Home
Haters are going to hate.Collection: Hate
I've never been what you'd call a great singer, but I loved to sing.Collection: Singers
I know friends of mine who have never changed their mind about anything in their lives, despite evidence from all directions. And I think if you can keep an open mind and some understanding, that helps you stay young.Collection: Thinking
I hear music and my feet just start moving.Collection: Moving
I never wanted to be an actor and to this day I don`t. I can`t get a handle on it. An actor wants to become someone else. I am a song-and-dance man and I enjoy being myself, which is all I can do.Collection: Song
I asked Fred Astaire once when he was about my age if he still danced, and he said 'Yes, but it hurts now.' That's exactly it. I can still dance too, but it hurts now!Collection: Hurt
Life is like a box of chocolates, I'm a nerd and I read booksCollection: Book
I have also heard and read various accounts of why they [Sheldon Leonard and Carl Reiner] liked me. My favorites? I wasn't too good-looking, I walked a little funny, and I was basically kind of average and ordinary. I guess my lack of perfection turned out to be a winning hand. Let that be a lesson for future generations.Collection: Winning
The most important thing for old guys is never start going down the stairs sideways.Collection: Guy
[My mother] once cooked a ham and later found it in my father's shirt drawer. I am not kidding.Collection: Mother
When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late 40s. And just through necessity, going out looking for work, I was starting to sing, and dance, and act, and I never expected to do that, nor to have any success at it at least.Collection: Ambition
Longevity in my family's been pretty good. And my grandparents were pretty spry at their age, so I figured I'd probably stay skinny and fairly agile. I used to do old men all the time in sketches. And there used to be an organization called the Gray Panthers. And they would send me, oh, terrible letters about making fun of old people. And I would just always say, "I'm playing the old person I intend to become!"Collection: Fun
I've met presidents, but I've never performed for one. I said it was the first time in 50 years I actually had butterflies. You know, the Obamas were sitting out there, the Supreme Court, Maya Angelou, and Desmond Tutu for God's sake, all in the front row.Collection: Butterfly
We spent a lot of time together and had a great time with Mary Tyler Moore. And just working with her was like improv.Collection: Together
I went public with the alcoholism, very early on... the early '70s. Mercedes McCambridge, the actress, I think was the first recognizable person that went before Congress and talked about it, and I thought that was a good idea, to take some of the stigma away from it and say "Normal, average people can fall prey to it." So it's been public for me. I did a movie about an alcoholic. And today, you're nobody unless you've been to rehab. It seems like everybody has some kind of an addiction.Collection: Fall
I think the biggest mistake - I was always a big fan of Cary Grant, and he asked me to do a movie with him, playing the second lead, and I didn't do it. And to this day, I can't remember why. But I could've said I worked with Cary Grant, but I turned him down. That was probably the biggest mistake I ever made.Collection: Mistake
I think there's kind of a wave of nostalgia going on right at the moment. You know, people recall an earlier time, which they see as a better time. And I think we just kind of evoke good thoughts when they look at us. That's the feeling I get.Collection: Thinking
I did a guest shot on a comedy series where they did 20 to 30 takes of everything. It's just gone by then. The joke is over. It's not funny anymore, and then of course, the editor's the one that has to figure out the timing. I think a lot depends on that.Collection: Thinking
I found doing that kind of comedy without an audience is just... for me, it's almost impossible. You need the audience to do their half of the work.Collection: Comedy
My work is just a hobby. No, I wouldn't want to do it professionally. It's too hard. Deadlines are no fun. But I can sit and tweak all night and not worry about time.Collection: Fun
I don’t play golf. I have more fun singing and dancing.Collection: Fun
I found out retirement means playing golf, or I don’t know what the hell it means. But to me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing.Collection: Fun
I think, the ‘Van Dyke Show’ and ‘Mary Poppins’ are two of the best periods of my life. I had so much fun, I didn’t want it to end.Collection: Fun
I’ve been talking about retiring for years. It’s my standard answer to the question, ‘What are your future plans?’ The truth is, I’ll always want to do things that are worthwhile or fun.Collection: Fun
I’ve had a lot of writers, in particular, who said they got into writing because of the ‘Van Dyke Show.’ They said it looked like fun.Collection: Fun
I’m really in retirement. My career is over. I’m just playing now and having a great time. I like to keep busy, and I’m doing what’s fun for me.Collection: Fun