Colin Mochrie
My mother on her death bed told me, 'Where the hell did that kangaroo come from!?' - it just popped out of nowhere and punched her in the head and caused a cerebral hemorrhage, so I thought I'd move to a country where there were no kangaroos!Collection: Country
When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!Collection: Ems
What if hamsters fought in the American Revolution?Collection: What If
The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!Collection: Sound And Music
I don't want to get all lefty, but if we took the defence budgets from around the world, we could end hunger everywhere. I would hope that all the world's leaders are thinking about poverty. Get to work. Do something. This is something that's going to be with us forever.Collection: Thinking
You don't sweat much for a fat girl.Collection: Girl
The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.Collection: Thinking
It all started with a badly timed bald joke!Collection: Jokes
You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.Collection: Weather
Why are there so many trees in the jungle?Collection: Tree
I was a bookworm. Every week I'd go to the library and get seven books. Remember libraries? I wonder if people still go. And I learned about everything from the library. I came from a Scottish family. Old school.Collection: Book
Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.Collection: Hey
But you know, we have more hits than you can possibly think about. One of my personal favorite artists is the wonderful artist named Cher. And although I love much of her late stuff, her early stuff was the stuff that I really, really loved.Collection: Thinking
Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?Collection: Mean
Let me play a Man in a scene.Collection: Men
What kind of FBI agent are you?Collection: Fbi Agents
As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favorites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers.Collection: Kids
Every song a hit, every hit a smack!Collection: Song