Ambrose Bierce
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.Collection: Knowledge
We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.Collection: Attitude
Doubt is the father of invention.Collection: Imagination
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.Collection: Technology
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.Collection: Sports
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
A nation that will not enforce its laws has no claim to the respect and allegiance of its people.Collection: Law
Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.Collection: Gun
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.Collection: Inspirational
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.Collection: Powerful
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.Collection: Learning
Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.Collection: Hurt
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.Collection: Funny
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.Collection: Funny
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.Collection: Inspirational
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.Collection: Fear
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.Collection: Deception
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.Collection: Inspirational
A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.Collection: Revolution
For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.Collection: Men
In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.Collection: Heart
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.Collection: Thinking
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a commandCollection: Maturity
Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.Collection: Food
PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.Collection: Wall
A penny saved is a penny to squander.Collection: Pennies
Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.Collection: Travel
A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.Collection: Wise
TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.Collection: Food