Will Durst
Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car.Collection: Car
There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.Collection: Humor
Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.Collection: Fear
Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars.Collection: Car
I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.Collection: Car
How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.Collection: Sex
You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.Collection: Dream
It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.Collection: Way
In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.Collection: Funny
The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.Collection: Home
Voters want a fraud they can believe in.Collection: Believe
Budget cuts if you're not rich, tax cuts if you are. Less money for those who don't have any and more to those who do. That's how President Fredo says we're going to get out of the giant deficit hole he's dug. You can't put it any more simply. Rich people richer. Poor people poorer.Collection: Cutting
When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.Collection: Growing Up
The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.Collection: Cells
Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.Collection: People
Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car.Collection: Women
The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.Collection: Earth
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't pointCollection: Long
In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.Collection: San Francisco
President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.Collection: Running
Walter Mondale has all the charisma of a speed bump.Collection: Bumps
Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi carsCollection: War