Will Cuppy
Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There's always something.Collection: Relationship
If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.Collection: Intelligence
Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.Collection: Cool
If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.Collection: Intelligence
I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in this country.Collection: Poetry
Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.
The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.
Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.
Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.
It's easy to see the faults in people I know; it's hardest to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.
The trouble with the dictionary is that you have to know how a word is spelled before you can look it up to see how it is spelled.
Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.Collection: Animal
We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.Collection: Mistake
Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.Collection: People
All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.Collection: Science
Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.Collection: Eruption
Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.Collection: Silly
A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.Collection: Home
My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.Collection: Philosophy
An Ant on a hot stove-lid runs faster than an Ant on a cold one. Who wouldn't?Collection: Running
They [the Pilgrims] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.Collection: People
Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.Collection: Facts
The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.Collection: Good Luck
The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.Collection: Bird
Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.Collection: Spring
Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.Collection: Marriage
We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.Collection: United States
The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.Collection: Fun
I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.Collection: Oil
The head of a Pike, served at supper, is said to have caused the death from terror of Theodoric the Goth, who imagined the fish's features to be those of Symmachus, a man he had just killed. But for this story, we of today would have no idea what Symmachus looked like.Collection: Men
Even as a child back in Indiana, whenever I took a Butterbelly off the hook I used to ask myself, "Does this fish think?" I would even ask others, "Do you suppose this Butterbelly can think?" And all I would get in reply was a look. At the age of eighteen, I left the state.Collection: Children
The Chameleon's face reminded Aristotle of a Baboon. Aristotle wasn't much of a looker himself.Collection: Faces
I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.Collection: Heart
To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows.Collection: Eye
The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.Collection: Years
Orangutans teach us that looks are not everything-but warned near it.Collection: Looks
[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard work per se will somehow make him a better Beaver -- the Beaver may be dumb, but he is not that dumb! The Beaver was made to gnaw, and gnaw he does. There you have him in a nutshell.Collection: Believe
Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.Collection: Science
Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air.Collection: Air
[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher.Collection: Space
[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder described a Whale called "Balaena or Whirlpool, which is so long and broad as to take up more in length and breadth than two acres of ground." This brings up again the old question: Are the classics doomed? Our ancestors believed that four years of this sort of information would inevitably produce a President, or at least a Cabinet Member. It didn't seem to work out that way.Collection: Years
If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up, he will roll over to prove that he is dead... While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.Collection: Play
Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honour.Collection: Marriage
Much still remains to be learned about his sex life because the Hummingbird is quicker than the eye.Collection: Sex
I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.Collection: Widows And Orphans
Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don't have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.Collection: Mistake
The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.Collection: Animal
Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.Collection: Live And Learn
As Darwin puts it in The Descent of Man, 'Male snakes, though appearing so sluggish, are amorous.' Isn't that just like Darwin? It was one of his main ideas, you know, that the males of almost all animals have stronger passions than the females. Since then we've learned a thing or two. At any rate, the female snake is right there when spring arrives in the woods.Collection: Spring
I'm a poetry-skipper myself. I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in this country - make it any other two persons. This doesn't mean that I hate poetry. I don't feel that strongly about it. It only means that those who wish to communicate with me by means of the written word must do so in prose.Collection: Country