Tina Fey
I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.
Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.
I work, and then whenever I have any other time, I'm with my daughter, and then I go to sleep. I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep. That's basically how we're doing it.
I'm more of a writer than an actor, and I used to say that I'm mostly an improviser, though I haven't improvised in awhile.
I think for women especially, you need to have a plan. I need to have some other ways to generate income, so I don't have to stretch my face or lift the top of my head with surgery or something.
I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.
I'm married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.
You don't just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at 'SNL' is writing to go after someone.
I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep.
I'm not that good looking... nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.
Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.
I don't want to be somebody else.
If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you're asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.
I really admire stand-up, and I think I would have loved to learn how to do it. I think it's terrifying and thrilling. A really cool thing to do. It's a dying art, in a way.
I have two daughters, and we live here in Manhattan, and having gone through the Manhattan kindergarten application process, nothing will ever rival the stress of that.
The idea of being in control for the sake of control is not really important to me. If everyone is sharp and doing what they're doing well, you don't really need to be in control all the time.
When I started on 'Saturday Night Live,' I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.
I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.
I am extremely square and obedient in nature!
I dreamed of being an actress when I was a little kid because you don't know then that the writer writes everything the actor is saying. But as I got older, I got into college and became more aware that writing is another option, and I started getting into it, too.
I feel like I represent normalcy in some way.
I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, 'Yeah, I'm not cool enough for the West Village.'
Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.Collection: Witty
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.Collection: Witty
Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.Collection: Jobs
Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you.Collection: Bossypants
Life is improvisation.Collection: Inspirational
You've got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.Collection: Sweating
Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions... Do your thing and don't care if they like it.Collection: Motivational
Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.Collection: Hilarious
You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.Collection: Strong Women
Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!Collection: Rocks
You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'this is impossible - oh,this is impossible'. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.Collection: Inspiring
Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.Collection: Girl
...nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.Collection: Adults
Whatever the problem - be part of the solutionCollection: Problem
There are no mistakes only opportunities.Collection: Inspirational
Just say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.Collection: Hate
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.Collection: Witty
Do your thing and don't care if they like it.Collection: Witty
If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”Collection: Inspirational
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.Collection: Witty
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.Collection: Funny
So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.Collection: Inspirational
The Supreme Court is expected to rule this week whether banning cross burning by groups like the Klu Klux Klan violates the first amendment. The outcome could affect the entertainment at Trent Lott's Christmas party.Collection: Party
I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f*** [sleep with her] anymore.Collection: Crazy
There are so many quiet times you spend as a mother that aren't glorified but are a foundation for your kids. No matter what, there was always a thick safety net under this trapeze.Collection: Mother
If you’re looking for a spiritual allegory in the style of C.S. Lewis, I guess you could piece something together with Lorne Michaels as a symbol for God and my struggles with hair removal as a metaphor for virtueCollection: Spiritual