Noel Fielding
The trouble is, the older you get, it's hard to find time to make a film: it's a year to write, a year to get money, a year to make it, a year to edit. It's four years of your life.
I'm involved with this exhibition, which is a collection of Nobby Clarke's photos of the opening night of my own art exhibition.
Kids feel like they can approach me, which is nice. I've created this character who's like a child-man.
A lot of people think I must be like Vince Noir. He's a bit like a child. He doesn't have any malice. He's even friendly to monsters. I am like that, I guess. I talk to anyone.
I've got this rep as a party boy, but the only show I've ever missed was when I had food poisoning from an Australian duck curry. I was puking buckets.
I wanted to create the weirdest show ever made on television - a punky, prog-rock nightmare of lurid colours.
I hate recycling. I don't think it exists. I think they've made it up to give people jobs. They deliver these stupid little Tupperware boxes and tell me, 'You're not using your recycling box!' Who are they? They're not the police.
Fame is like being at a party and getting invited into the cool room even the VIPs can't get into, then the even cooler, more exclusive room after that. Eventually, you end up in a cubicle on your own, asking, 'Am I having fun?'
My first gigs were at university: I'd dress up as Jesus, jump off a cross and dance to a Mick Jagger song. I don't know if it was funny or not, but it was a start.
People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free.Collection: People
It's impossible to be unhappy while wearing a poncho!Collection: Unhappy
I had always drawn, every day as long as I had held a pencil, and just assumed everyone else had too…Art had saved me and helped me fit in…Art was always my saving grace…Comedy didn’t come until much later for me. I’ve always tried to combine the two things, art and comedy, and couldn’t make a choice between the two. It was always my ambition to make comedy with an art-school slant, and art that could be funny instead of po-faced.Collection: Art
All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.Collection: Dog
Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.Collection: Funny
When I was 13 I told my dad I'd rather kill myself than do an ordinary job. He vaguely muttered something about how I'd need to earn a living somehow, but he's been totally behind me, forking out money he didn't really have to send me to university. Every other comedian I've met had to fight their parents to be allowed to do this but mine have been brilliant.Collection: Jobs
You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs?Collection: Eggs
When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.Collection: Funny
I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester.Collection: Running
Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.Collection: Funny
I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.Collection: Funny
I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.Collection: Funny
There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.Collection: Funny
I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.Collection: Mean
Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.Collection: People
When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.Collection: Crowds
You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.Collection: Arses
Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.Collection: Funny
When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all.Collection: Funny
I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.Collection: Funny
The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.Collection: Funny
I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.Collection: Hate
My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.Collection: Uncles
I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"Collection: Funny
Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!Collection: Funny
There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.Collection: Football
I think I should be in a film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical the ship will be built out of my own hair.Collection: Thinking
I'm a mischievous drunk.Collection: Funny
Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.Collection: Funny
My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.Collection: Funny
We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another BaileysCollection: Funny
I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.Collection: Funny
I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!Collection: Stuff
That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.Collection: Funny
I always wanted to travel around and see lots of America, I'd never been to Boston, I'd never been to San Francisco even, so I'm quite excited to just go the places.Collection: Boston
When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.Collection: Funny
No means yes in grasshopper language.Collection: Funny
You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.Collection: Funny
When you're a kid and someone's an artist, you think of Leonardo da Vinci. You don't think that's a job; you just think of a man with a beard painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.Collection: Jobs