Mignon McLaughlin
A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.Collection: Children
Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.Collection: Love
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.Collection: Drinking
Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.Collection: Family
Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.Collection: Sports
Most of our diversions do not so much delay death as accustom us to it.Collection: Delay
Whether or not you love television, you've got to admit that it certainly loves itself.Collection: Technology
The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone.Collection: Shock
One of life's few really reliable pleasures: to have a family you love, and to leave them for a week.Collection: Week
It is always safe to tell people that they're looking wonderful.Collection: People
Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones.Collection: Love
Women usually love what they buy, yet hate two-thirds of what is in their closets.Collection: Hate
Life marks us all down, so it's just as well that we start out by overpricing ourselves.Collection: Confidence
Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.Collection: Witty
Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.Collection: Mom
Naturally, the neurotic wants you to love him twice as much, for he's going to cut it in half anyway.Collection: Cutting
The plague of government is senile delinquency.Collection: Government
Money: in its absence, we are coarse; in its presence, we are vulgar.Collection: Absence
Women are afraid of mice and of murder, and of very little in between.Collection: Women
The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.Collection: Children
We have to call it "freedom": who'd want to die for "a lesser tyranny"Collection: Freedom
I'm always there to tell people that their life is not that bad. I wish it was easy to follow that advice.Collection: People
Boredom is often the cause of promiscuity, and always its result.Collection: Boredom
Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.Collection: Lonely
Everybody can write; writers can't do anything else.Collection: Writing
Every creature stalks some other, catches it, and is caught.Collection: Stalking
We always prefer war on our own terms to peace on someone else's.Collection: Kindness
The past is rich in lessons from which we would greatly profit except that the present is always so full of Special Circumstances.Collection: Past
Those who turn to God for comfort may find comfort but I do not think they will find God.Collection: God
Don't ask others to forgive in you a sin they're dying to commit themselves.Collection: Forgiving
Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.Collection: Valentines Day