Jerry Lewis
I will do whatever is necessary to make better the stupidity on my part - and therefore go after those who are acting stupid themselves. It's not popular. You don't make friends when you do that. And I couldn't care less.
A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.
People think I'm against critics because they are negative to my work. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is they didn't see the work. I have seen critics print stuff about stuff I cut out of the film before we ran it. So don't tell me about critics.
You think about getting old, but when you get there, it's not what you thought it would be.
I don't talk about anything negative.
The people at Columbia Pictures have been great, but I had to tell them, 'Please don't be nice to me. Just pay me.'
When you get a question like, 'Did you like meeting Her Majesty?' 'No, I thought she was a slob.' I mean, what are you going to say... The mischief comes into me when I'm doing a Q&A, I'm 9 years old again. I don't get mad. I do get offended.
I think it has helped that I am so curious about what has been happening to me and that I have enjoyed watching the changes through my life, you know? I didn't know what was going to happen to me next.
I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.
You might as well like yourself; just think about all the time you're gonna have to spend with you.Collection: Thinking
For those who understand, no explaination is needed...For those who don't, none will do.Collection: Needed
When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.Collection: Fathers Day
If you think childlike, you'll stay young. If you keep your energy going, and do everything with a little flair, you're gunna stay young. But most people do things without energy, and they atrophy their mind as well as their body. You have to think young, you have to laugh a lot, and you have to have good feelings for everyone in the world, because if you don't, it's going to come inside, your own poison, and it's over.Collection: Thinking
People say, "How would you like to be remembered?" I don't want to be remembered. Gimme a break. What I want is to hear what's great about me now. Let me hear it! In the box you don't hear these eulogies.Collection: People
The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, 'Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.'Collection: Giving
Comedy is a man in trouble. And without it, there's no humor.Collection: Men
You may catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but you'll get them to work harder if you use a flyswatter.Collection: Hard Work
The day you're born, you get the pink slip on YOU. Outright ownership. You must only share that life with those that you and only you choose.Collection: Ownership
Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.Collection: Loyalty
(The Nutty Professor) was a labor of love. It was a total film. It was the most productive, creative work of my life.Collection: Creative
If I've learned anything in the more than 50 years that I've led MDA, it's that the generosity of the American people knows no bounds. I'm sure that with their fellow citizens in such dire need, they'll dig deep and do everything they can to help. I'm hopeful that many people will be willing to make two phone calls and donate to both causes.Collection: Phones
I have nothing against women. As a matter of fact there's something about them that I love, but I just can't put my finger on it.Collection: Women
Make film, shoot film, run film. Do something. Make film. Shoot anything.Collection: Running