Jeff Ross
I like to roast things from the inside out. I like to know what's going on.Collection: Knows
My own personal rule is to tell jokes that I think the person I'm making them about can laugh at, to go home and tell their family, oh, my gosh.Collection: Home
Comics just don't retire. They either die young or they go to 100.Collection: Young
Life is tough, and if we don't laugh, we're going to - our head will explode.Collection: Laughing
My parents passed away when I was a teenager, so I had to learn different survival techniques, I think, in comedy. You know, using comedy as a pressure release, as a release valve in life really kept my sanity.Collection: Teenager
My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.Collection: Hate
It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.Collection: School
You know, sometimes I worry, you know, is comedy and my type of comedy going to get stale? Is it going to be so offensive that it becomes uninteresting or so niche that I don't have an audience anymore? But it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, where roasting now is a movement. These roasts are on in India, in Mexico.Collection: Worry
I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.Collection: I Can
I don't think it's unfair to have writers. I think if you're going to do a roast on television, as if you were doing a play or you were reading a script of a movie, you would have the best possible material. And those are the people who score, the people who are willing to listen to the roasting experts and then come out there and own that material.Collection: Reading
In Boston where community policing is so important, they don't necessarily have to like each other, but they know each other. The cops in Boston make it their business to get out of their vehicles, to engage the public, to walk around the neighborhoods. They live in the community that they police. And I think these things help.Collection: Thinking
Sometimes during my set I invite volunteers up on stage to get speed-roasted and I'm worried that I may have hundreds of people rushing the stage all at once. Luckily I'm a black belt in karate and I can fend them off.Collection: Rushing
You have such a huge career ... behind you.Collection: Careers
I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.Collection: Government
Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.Collection: Achievement
South Park called...they want their everything back.Collection: Want