Irvin S. Cobb
As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid.Collection: Work
Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.Collection: Humor
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.Collection: Hope
A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven't.
If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.
A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.
An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been discontinued.
A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.
Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
Until you go to Kentucky and with your own eyes behold the Derby, you ain't never been nowhere and you ain't seen nothin'!Collection: Eye
To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.Collection: Kentucky
If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticedCollection: Witty
If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.Collection: Women
Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.Collection: Jobs
Of all American cities of whatever size the most friendly on preliminary inspection, and on further acquaintance the most likable. The happiest-hearted, the gayest, the most care-free city on this continent.Collection: Cities
Golf - a young man's vice and an old man's penance.Collection: Golf
Reelfoot is, and has always been, a lake of mystery.In places it is bottomless. Other places the skeletons of the cypress-trees that went down when the earth sank, still stand upright so that if the sun shines from the right quarter, and the water is less muddy than common, a man, peering face downward into its depths, sees, or thinks he sees, down below him the bare top-limbs upstretching like drowned men's fingers, all coated with the mud of years and bandaged with pennons of the green lake slime.Collection: Men
An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.Collection: Funny
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.Collection: Sarcastic
You had to hate the Colonel a whole lot to keep from loving him.Collection: Hate