Henny Youngman
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"Collection: Funny
My wife has a black belt in shopping.Collection: Funny
I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.Collection: Religion
A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"Collection: Funny
Old teachers never die, they just grade away.Collection: Teacher
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.Collection: Funny
The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"Collection: Funny
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.Collection: Funny
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.Collection: Funny
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.Collection: Funny
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.Collection: Funny
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!Collection: Hitting
My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.Collection: Divorce
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?Collection: Hell
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.Collection: Wife
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"Collection: Funny
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?Collection: Funny
My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.Collection: Funny
A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.Collection: Giving Up
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?Collection: Idiot
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.Collection: Funny
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.Collection: Funny
Let's get up here before we get killed!Collection: Get Up
"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"Collection: Funny
There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.Collection: Graduation
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"Collection: Funny
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-OCollection: Funny
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.Collection: Education