Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.Collection: Science
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.Collection: Work
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.Collection: Home
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.Collection: Business
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.Collection: Hope
We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.Collection: Volunteer
The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.Collection: Laughter
You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.Collection: Your Smile
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.Collection: Inspirational
If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.Collection: Differences
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.Collection: Anger
In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.Collection: Believe
There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.Collection: Leadership
You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.Collection: Needs
If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.Collection: Yesterday
The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.Collection: Equality
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.Collection: Thinking
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.Collection: Family
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.Collection: Confusing
The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.Collection: Pounds
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.Collection: Science
Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.Collection: Sight
There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.Collection: Work
All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.Collection: Equality
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.Collection: Funny
Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well.Collection: Couple
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.Collection: Character
The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.Collection: Stories
Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.Collection: Perspective
The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.Collection: Church
A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.Collection: Cards
Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.Collection: Doctors
After wisdom comes wit.Collection: Wisdom
Hindsight is good, foresight is better; but second sight is best of all.Collection: Sight
Age brings wisdom to some men, and to others chess.Collection: Men
Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.Collection: Flower
Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.Collection: Husband
The state of the Union largely depends on the state of the unions.Collection: Unions
The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.Collection: Divorce
An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.Collection: Men
The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.Collection: Husband
Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.Collection: Education
Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.Collection: Together
A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.Collection: Men
The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.Collection: Dance
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.Collection: Cards
A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamondCollection: Girl
To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.Collection: Teenager
If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.Collection: Want
Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.Collection: Hair