David Letterman
A pair of ruby red slippers worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz have been stolen. The thief is described as being armed and fabulous.Collection: Thieves
Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.Collection: Information
You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?Collection: Would Be
You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?Collection: Drinking
Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.Collection: Coffee
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.Collection: Worst Enemy
The post office is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, 'If only there was an inexpensive electronic way of communicating.'Collection: Office
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.Collection: Party