Craig Kilborn
However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.Collection: Humor
President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.Collection: Sad
People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.Collection: Relationship
I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.
In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.
I thought late-night was crowded... the format's repetitive.
The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.
Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.
As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.
Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'
Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.
New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.
The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.'
They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger.
John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'
I have a wonderful respect for old people.
I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 - the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos.
I learned at an early age that using the third person will push some buttons.
I enjoyed retirement the right way... linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.
It's fun being creative and that's satisfying.
I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.
Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.
Broadcasting was something, I don't want to say it came easy, but it's something I'm comfortable doing.
I'm going to miss my best friends - my cameras.
I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.
I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.
CBS was very generous in their offer to re-sign me. But I simply want to try something new.
I think that you're always going to have some people who are negative or view you in a certain way.
I'm from the Midwest.
People who go into show business are screwed up.
My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'
A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.Collection: Drinking
In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.Collection: Iraq
Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.Collection: Funny
There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'Collection: Dollars
Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'Collection: Simple
As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.Collection: Summer
Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.Collection: Years
Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'Collection: Sleep
Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.Collection: Wife
The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.Collection: Hurt
Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek.Collection: Winning
Critics say Arnold has no previous government experience, but advisers say he's clearly the most qualified Austrian, ex-Mr. Universe in the race.Collection: Race
I pride myself on being down-to-earth. I’m from the Midwest. People who go into show business are screwed up. I romanticized about having a serene life.Collection: People
Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?Collection: Yellow
President Bush is in the hot seat over Iraqi pre-war intelligence. Remember the good ol' days when the only thing the president was trying to cover up was a stain?Collection: War
Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.Collection: Military
As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day.Collection: President