Charles Stuart Calverley
I cannot sing the old songs now! It is not that I deem them low, 'Tis that I can't remember how They go.
Meaning, however, is no great matter.
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvellous. It must be very inexpensive.
Read not Milton, for he is dry; nor Shakespeare, for he wrote of common life.
The heart which grief hath cankered, Hath one unfailing remedy - the Tankard.Collection: Grief
I sit alone at present, dreaming darkly of a Dun.Collection: Dream
I can not sing the old songs now! It is not that I deem them low, 'Tis that I can't remember how They go.Collection: Song
I've read in many a novel, that unless they've souls that grovel-- Folks prefer in fact a hovel to your dreary marble halls.Collection: Home
But ah! disasters have their use; And life might e'en be too sunshiny.Collection: Use
Should ever anything be missed - milk, coals, umbrellas, brandy - the cat's pitched into with a boot or anything that's handy.Collection: Cat
The farmer's daughter hath soft brown hair And I met with a ballad, I can't say where, That wholly consisted of lines like these.Collection: Daughter
The auld wife sat at her ivied door, (Butter and eggs and a pound of cheese) A thing she had frequently done before; And her spectacles lay on her apron'd knees.Collection: Doors
But what is coffee, but a noxious berry, Born to keep used-up Londoners awake?Collection: Coffee
Precious to me - it is the Dinner Bell. Oh blessed Bell! Thou bringest beef and beer.Collection: Blessed
Oh Beer! Oh Hodgson, Guinness, Allsop, Bass! Names that should be on every infant's tongue! Shall days and months and years and centuries pass, And still your merits be unrecked, unsung?Collection: Beer
Go mad, and beat their wives; Plunge (after shocking lives) Razors and carving knives Into their gizzards.Collection: Knives