Seek but provision of bread and wine, fools to flatter, and clothing fine; and nothing of God shall ever be thine.Collection: Wine
Never trust a woman whose father calls her 'Princess'. Chances are she believes it.Collection: Father
There is no such thing as a self-cleaning oven.Collection: Self
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.Collection: Food
There is nothing personal about a personal ad.Collection: Ads
A $20 haircut hardly ever lasts longer than a $5 haircut.Collection: Lasts
They aren't kidding when they say, "Wash Whites separately.Collection: Advice
Always take an extra quarter to the laundry room.Collection: Advice
The chief beneficiary of life insurance policies for young, single people is the life insurance agent.Collection: People
Hurry up and learn patience.Collection: Funny
If you have to learn it from a self-help book, you may be beyond help.Collection: Book