Wanda Sykes
Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.
I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I'm really funny now.
In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.
Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.
It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.
Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.
Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.
I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.
I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.
I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.
Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy.
I'm here today because I hated everything else.
It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.
But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.
Men don't hear women.
I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.
I watched a lot of comedy growing up.
I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.
I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.
I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am.
When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots.
I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.'
It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.
My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on.
If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling.
I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.
The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.
I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic.
I'm a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.Collection: Hate
When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.Collection: Unique
These CEOs, man ... If you're that ruthless, you're a scary dude. I tell you, now when I walk past a little gang banger, I don't even blink. But if I see a white dude with a Wall Street Journal, I haul ass. Before I walk past the Arthur Andersen building, I cut through the projects. If you cut through the projects, you may just lose what you have on you that day. I ain't never been mugged of my whole future.Collection: Wall
If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.Collection: Sex
To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail one day and say, 'Aw, sh - , I'm secretary of state next month.Collection: Office
As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.Collection: Marriage
Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.Collection: Gun
I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.Collection: People
I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.Collection: Enemy
I love my family but my family - they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did... I was in the first grade Christmas play - I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus... They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby...' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'Collection: Cute
When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage recognized in Nevada, Arizona, all the way to New York. How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?Collection: New York
I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.Collection: Dog
I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to be a black woman, and I'm proud to be gay.Collection: Gay
The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.Collection: Sex
What gets me is when celebrities aren't allowed to have an opinion on anything political. There's the whole 'Shut up and sing' thing.Collection: Political
You can't make a woman happy. That's like trying to cure a fatal disease. The goal is to treat the symptoms so you can comfortably live with the illness.Collection: Goal