Stewart Francis
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.Collection: Vengeance
So what if I cant spell Armageddon, its not the end of the world.Collection: What If
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit meCollection: Looks
I went to a Karaoke Bar last night that didn't play any 70s music, at first I was afriad, oh I was petrifiedCollection: Night
My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles... which sounds so much better than "alcoholic."Collection: Dad
I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.Collection: Jobs
Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.Collection: Sex
My father is schizophrenia, but he's good people.Collection: Father
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!Collection: Together
So what if I can't spell Armaggedon? ... it's not the end of the world.Collection: What If
I don't think lesbians should be allowed to use dildos, afterall they've made their choiceCollection: Thinking
Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.Collection: Dad
Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye WestCollection: Arses
You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.Collection: Kids
Allyson Smith reminds me of a younger, prettier, funnier me. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies from my bridge club have arrived.Collection: Bridges