Robert Morley
The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.
Names were not so much dropped as thrown in a perpetual game of catch.
Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
If people take the trouble to cook, you should take the trouble to eat.
To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.Collection: Happiness
To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness. Then if you're not a good mixer you can always fall back on your own company.Collection: Happiness
The French are a logical people, which is one reason the English dislike them so intensely. The other is that they own France, a country which we have always judged to be much too good for them.Collection: Country
When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of the mess I am in now, he thought for a long time, and I didn't care much for his answer. 'Yes,' he said. 'Death would help.'Collection: Long
The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.Collection: Sports
Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.Collection: School
A man who has his initials on his pyjamas must be uncertain of himself. Surely you should know who you are at bed time.Collection: Men
A party: one arrives long after it's started, and one's going to leave long before it's over.Collection: Party
Most owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their dog.Collection: Funny
COUGHS. These are symptoms, not diseases. Take them to your doctor and he can give you something serious to worry about.Collection: Doctors
Every child should be placed on a doorstep to sell something. It's the best possible training for life.Collection: Children
If the critics were always right we should be in deep trouble.Collection: Trouble
If in the paddock the owner is surrounded by a herd of young children, don't back his horse. But if the owner is accompanied by a beautiful lady, plunge to the hilt.Collection: Beautiful
There is little to compare with the thrill of standing next to the creature in the winner's enclosure avoiding his hooves and receiving the congratulations of the press, your trainer and friends who backed it. What makes the experience so satisfying is that you, the owner, have had absolutely nothing to do with the horse winning.Collection: Horse
We are articulate, but we are not particularly conversational. An Englishman won't talk for the sake of talking. He doesn't mind silence. But after the silence, he sometimes says something.Collection: Talking
I have never willingly chased a ball.Collection: Baseball
I have little patience with anyone who is not self-satisfied. I am always pleased to see my friends, happy to be with my wife and family, but the high spot of every day is when I first catch a glimpse of myself in the shaving mirror.Collection: Mirrors
It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential.Collection: Men
Beware of the conversationalist who adds "In other words."Collection: Add
Fat men get knocked over by buses no earlier, nor later, than thin men. And I, for one, have buried most of my thin friends.Collection: Men