Margaret Smith
I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to make copies of their tapes.Collection: Relationship
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?Collection: Funny
I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then."Collection: Funny
If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No."Collection: Religion
I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in.Collection: Running
There's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's a train.Collection: Positive
The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.Collection: Naughty
I hate people. People make me pro-nuclear.Collection: Hate
My mom's Jewish and my dad's Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.Collection: Mom
Safety was not a big thing when I was growing up. A seat belt was something that got in the way: 'Ma, the seat belt is digging into my back.' 'Stuff it down into the seat. And roll those windows up, you're letting the smoke out'Collection: Growing Up
Sin recognized but that may keep us humble, But oh, it keeps us nasty.Collection: Humble
Only when all images of Earth are hushed and the clamor of the senses be stilled, and the soul has passed beyond thought of self, can the eternal wisdom be revealed to the mystic who seeks that highest communion with the unseen.Collection: Self