Kinky Friedman
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.Collection: Pet
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.Collection: Marriage
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.Collection: Famous
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.Collection: Beauty
We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.Collection: Education
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.Collection: Respect
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?Collection: Design
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.
You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
Young people are the key to this election.
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.
When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
We were a country band with a social conscience.
William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
I see an issue I like, and I support it.
We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
I don't apologize to people with an agenda.
I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.Collection: Mean
People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.Collection: Loyalty
Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.Collection: Heaven
If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.Collection: Long