Harry Enfield
One aspect of the male that women find hard to understand is his obsession with electronic gadgets such as mobile phones, tiddly televisions, computers and combined answerphone-fax machines.Collection: Computers
Computers are dangerous.Collection: Computers
I was brought up a Roman Catholic, so when I was a child I was frogmarched to church every Sunday.
The magistrate who originally sentenced Eric Cantona to prison said that millions of young people saw him as a role model and tried to copy his behaviour. I wonder if this is true.
I don't play golf. I don't know anything about golf.
If I go to Liverpool, everyone's really nice to me. But when we do 'Scousers' I portray Liverpudlians as a bunch of thieving, unemployed, violent wastrels, which is a really terrible thing to do.
I played Margaret Thatcher, John Major, Tony Blair, David Cameron - four Prime Ministers. If Rishi Sunak became Prime Minister I would find it difficult that I would not be allowed to play him because of the colour of his skin.
I played Nelson Mandela in one thing for laughs - and I did it because this thing had come round from the BBC that we couldn't do it any more.
I don't know what a good sketch show is.
I'm good at caricature.
Like all extremely nice people, I tend to be on the side of the underdog, or at least feel sorry for him.
I have a dear friend called Kate St John who is a musical genius.
I can understand why people don't like fox hunting, but I really can't see why anyone other than vegans can object to game shooting.
If people like you, and you disappoint them, they get very hurt by it.
God knows what the Yanks will make of 'Kevin and Perry.' It's totally gross to them because we don't look like we're off 'Dawson's Creek' or whatever. They'll think we're really weird.
I've got three very expensive kids and I had to buy a house in Notting Hill.
Why would you be a sell-out for making money out of what you can do?
When I was on 'Top Gear' they thought it was funny I used to have a Vauxhall Cavalier convertible.
I was happy just being at home looking after the kids. There was always plenty to do, and I didn't feel like doing any telly.
Little Britain' happened and it was so deliciously uncool.
No, I can't write a novel. I don't have a story.
I can't write a sitcom.
One has to get a slagging once in a while.
People are much more vicious about comedy than about anything else. If it's drama they go: 'Oh well, that didn't really work.' But comedy, they get angry. And people who never thought you were ever very funny go: 'Fantastic, we can really have a go now. Great!
I've had a huge career of killing off characters. Low attention span. Done that, that works, done. I can't get out of bed if I've got to do the same thing over and over again.
I don't want my kids talked about. It's one of the reasons I thought that if I could just make a go of being a writer, that would be good, because I don't really want my kids growing up with me famous.
Most of my characters are silly little boys. It's human. Everyone is badly behaved.
When I come up with a character, I know how he lives and breathes.
At the end of every series, I think I won't do any more. But as long as I can think of fresh stuff, I can keep going.
I'd like to play a larger-than-life character done straight, like Clouseau. To move away from Dick Emery and towards Peter Sellers.
I've had my own comedy series on telly and I know the truth about politics.
I was once asked to be a guest presenter on 'The Big Breakfast' for a week while Chris Evans was away, but I said no as I knew I'd be hopeless. If they asked me to guest present the 'Today' programme on Radio 4, however, I'd jump at the chance.
When you join the wonderful world of showbiz, you quickly find yourself meeting all sorts of famous people.
I've had dinner with two Beatles and a Rolling Stone;I've said 'hello' to Whitney Houston and shared a cab with Larry Adler.
When I was 15 my great Aunt Nancy gave me a book of Alan Bennett plays, and I thought he was the bees knees.
Why don't men become primary teachers? Partly, I suppose, because the pay is so insulting; but then it is for all teachers, as the state seems to consider the manufacture of adults less important than the manufacture of just about anything else.
Little boys are different from little girls, tend to develop more slowly, and are generally more stupid than their sisters.
All children try to manipulate their parents, but their tactics are different, and women seem better able to cope with the tactics of girls than of boys.
Men seem to relate to boys better, sharing their interests in whizzing about and football and car-cars and other moronic activities.
I don't understand why the Euro-sceptics think monetary union will lead to a federal Europe. It seems to me that the opposite is the case.
The history of post-war Britain shows us that we are lousy at running our economy. We need someone to do it for us.
It's about time we stopped being so insecure and defensive and admitted that the Germans are better at economics than us. We like laughing and they like maths.
You need a lot of words to say anything in German.
What better way to attract an audience than to get everyone to shout 'Outrage!' at the size of your advance?
America exports its culture world-wide but with us they don't have to surmount a language barrier, and therefore they swamp us. While other European cultures are protected from erosion by their languages, ours is not.
The older generation may see us as plucky little Britain, on the Edge of Europe. But more and more of the post-war generation see Britain as a less beautiful, more cramped, more snobbish, less glamorous version of America.
When looking for an Oscar-winning performance Americans demand not mental instability but mental disability, ie Tom Hanks playing a simpleton or Dustin Hoffman as an autistic man. The Yanks are suckers for such patronising tosh.
I like Hugh Grant.
I tend to think that these white supremacists like Terreblanche, the boneheads of the BNP and Bernard Manning are all so revoltingly ugly and unpleasant that they make the best possible advertisement for mixed marriages. Would you prefer your daughter to look like Naomi Campbell or Bernard Manning?
If the continual cutting back of public services has led to low public morale then simply pass a few feel-good Acts to force people to be happy.