Harry Enfield
Why is everyone so obsessed with attracting the young? The Telegraph, Radio 4 - everyone wants a younger audience when everyone knows the population is getting older and older, and that older people have more dosh than young people.
The most confident people in Britain are those who went to top public schools and Trotskyists.
Public schoolboys are brought up to assume they should lead society, and Trotskyists know they are right about absolutely everything.
I'm nothing like Michael Barrymore.
Every day I get something in the post telling me to worry about something else. Worry mail is big business.
I have dealings with a pension firm, an insurance company and a bank, and every day one of these institutions tries to worry me into buying something else. The bank wants to sell me a pension, the pension company wants to sell me insurance for my pension and the insurance company wants to insure my bank account.
In private companies that are successful, the management have learnt to put their staff first, customers second, shareholders last.
In the 1970s the government propped up managers who couldn't run their industries properly. Nowadays they prop up our lousy managers who can't run our services properly.
It's good fun making commercials because you are picked up in a posh car and pampered all day by your personal pamperer, or 'runner' as they are known in the business.
About once a month, our local church would have an evening Folk Mass, and my mother would drag us along because she saw that the ghastly creatures who sung on these occasions strummed guitars, and she associated all guitar strumming with pop music.
According to the Bank of England the economy is growing too fast so interest rates must rise to counter the supposed inflationary threat. In lay terms, I interpret this to mean that people are working much harder, causing economic growth, and they're in danger of spending their money, which is what the recession-hit shops want them to do. But the Bank and the City seem to think this is wrong, and that if people work harder they should be punished by having their mortgages increased.Collection: Mean
Brilliant. A very funny and concise explanation of why we men are as we are. If you are male, you should read it and then make your partner read it, so they will no longer hate you but pity you instead.Collection: Hate
According to the Bank of England the economy is growing too fast so interest rates must rise to counter the supposed inflationary threat.Collection: Growing