Don Rickles
An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings.
I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.
You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh.
Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star.
I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke.
I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.
It's tough having the last name 'Rickles.' Luckily, my kids handled it great.
You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter.
Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine.
I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me.
Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.
I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out.
I didn't get married until I was 38.
Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.
If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.
Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.
My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances.
I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.
I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me.
You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.
I did a picture 40 years ago with Carroll O'Connor and Telly Savalas, God rest their souls, and Clint Eastwood, called 'Kelly's Heroes,' which we filmed in Yugoslavia for six months.
Sometimes, I knew generally what I was going to do, but I've never written anything down. Call it a sixth sense: the lines just come.
My mother was a big influence. She kept pushing me because I was very shy and inhibited. And schoolwork was very difficult for me because I couldn't concentrate. I was failing almost every subject. To this day, I'm not too good at reading a book. But I was the president of my high school comedy group, and they treated me like a king.
Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive.
I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny.
I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried.
An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth.
I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys.
Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.
Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight.
When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.
I don't like to compare myself with anybody.
Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.
The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday.
My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.
When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!'
The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.
Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.
It takes many years to be a great comedian.
Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person.
I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.'
Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.
I never went out looking for glory.
My whole act is off the top of my head.
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.