Dave Chappelle
The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.
Stand-up is the kind of gig that'll show you where you're at.
I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.
My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.
Comedy is a very approval-oriented field.
I don't care if I ever work in TV again.
There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.
There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me.
I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?Collection: Rights
The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.Collection: Inspirational
No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone... you answer it.Collection: Kids
The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.Collection: Funny
Constantly take inventory of what's important to you.Collection: Important
What did the 5 fingers say to the face. S L A P!Collection: Faces
Things like racism are institutionalized. You might not know any bigots. You feel like "well I don't hate black people so I'm not a racist," but you benefit from racism. Just by the merit, the color of your skin. The opportunities that you have, you're privileged in ways that you might not even realize because you haven't been deprived of certain things. We need to talk about these things in order for them to change.Collection: Hate
Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.Collection: Chivalry
The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.Collection: Funny
You've got to say 'yes' to your destiny. Life's happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!Collection: Meaningful
Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.Collection: Funny
Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous.Collection: People
Why is Dave Chappelle going to Africa? Why does Mariah Carey make a hundred-million dollar deal and take her clothes off on TRL? A weak person can not get here and talk to you. Ain't no weak people talking to you. So what is happening in Hollywood? Nobody knows! The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. I don't understand this person, so they're crazy. That's bullshit. These people are not crazy, they're strong people. Maybe the environment is a little sick.Collection: Strong
Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it's not nothing, it's something. But it's not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.Collection: Suicide
I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!Collection: Funny
There's not too many people that don't think I'm crazy, for walking away from so much money. I'm at a restaurant with my wife, it's a nice restaurant, we're eating dinner. I look across the room, I say, 'You see this guy over here, across the room? He has $100 million.' And we're eating the same entree. So, OK, fine, I don't have $50 million or whatever it was, but say I have $10 million in the bank. The difference in lifestyle is miniscule.Collection: Suicide
I started when I was 14. I figured out that's what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, "You're gonna be a comedian," and all this stuff.Collection: People
Weed's not as bad as everything else... 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp... but you'll function.Collection: Weed
I'm happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn't make things easier, but I'm so much better at handling them.Collection: Guy
I was 23. When you're 23, your concern is not for the greater good of humanity. I didn't feel like I was unleashing an evil on society or anything. At the time, that's what I was into, and I did a movie about it.Collection: Evil
Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I'm seven years late for work.Collection: Years
Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he's not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn't even say that.Collection: Winning
I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas.Collection: Ideas
You get sick of jokes, you know. Either I do them on TV, and then you worry, like, "Oh, everyone's gonna see it," so you chuck it, or you just get sick of saying it. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.Collection: Sick
I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that.Collection: Good Life
Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say "their life" I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.Collection: Mean
The kid is the best thing that ever happened to me.Collection: Kids
I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.Collection: Funny
I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.Collection: Stress
I have angst in my life, but I'm like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.Collection: Feel Good
They do what they do for money - that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.Collection: Differences
Once you been performing on the streets you can conquer any venue.Collection: Conquer
Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.Collection: People
All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.Collection: White
Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*tCollection: Dope
I don't want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.Collection: Country
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.Collection: Littles
If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, "Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat." It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.Collection: Dog
Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!Collection: Funny
I don't really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that's not ballin' to me.Collection: People
The biggest enemy of an artist is apathy... A kid gets killed by the police and I buy a T-shirt and before I can wear that one, there's another kid (killed) and I'm running out of closet space.Collection: Running