Dane Cook
My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.Collection: Humor
I'm completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence.Collection: Independence
I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.Collection: Famous
Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.Collection: Cool
Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.Collection: Anger
My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically.
I had the humble beginnings. I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.
I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
I get so into the moment.
I'm a late-night guy.
I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.
You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.
There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.
In the year 3000, everything will be instant.
I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator.