Dana Gould
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.Collection: Sorry
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?Collection: Christian
Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.Collection: Children
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.Collection: Fire
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.Collection: Tattoo
As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.Collection: Eye