Craig Benzine
During a heat wave every dude stinks.Collection: Heat
It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.Collection: Player
Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.Collection: Perfect
Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.Collection: Clothes
Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.Collection: Failure Is Not An Option
The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!Collection: Trying
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.Collection: Sleep
Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.Collection: Bathroom
Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!Collection: Stupid
People alive are better than people not alive.Collection: People
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.Collection: Grass
If you're gonna lob something, lob love.Collection: Ifs
Are imperfections is which make we grate.Collection: Imperfection
Options are good. Keeps people choosing.Collection: People
I love it when the coffee's done!Collection: Coffee
The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.Collection: Steps
I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.Collection: Cake
Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.Collection: Bird
Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.Collection: Bears
Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!Collection: Fun
It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.Collection: Trying
Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.Collection: Feet
Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.Collection: Stupid
Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.Collection: Scared
I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.Collection: Hate
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.Collection: Sound