Once every American has a pony then I can - by fiat, executive order or something like that - dismantle the federal government with a snap of my magic fingers.Collection: Government
I'm a tyrant that you should trust, and you should let me run your life, because I do know what is best for you.Collection: Trust
I was bullied as a child and used humor to rise above it.Collection: Humor
Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long enough.Collection: Great
When you create Hope in people, you create expectations. When you do not fulfill those expectations, when the change becomes more of the same old, same old, the Hope that was created can only turn to anger, frustration and bitter disappointment.Collection: Anger
I am a pragmatist. We are given what we have here in terms of government, so as an anarchist, okay, I'll lean to the Republican side of getting the government small enough to drown in a bathtub or whatever.Collection: Government
Together my friends, we will ride our ponies into a zombie-powered future.Collection: Future
We can afford all these wars; this, that, the other thing, why can't every American have a pony? If you break it down, if you do the math, the government could afford to give you a pony. Don't let them tell you they couldn't, they could.Collection: Government
Well, mutual aid is a very critical and important thing. For a while, I was saying libertarians have no souls, but I promised them I wouldn't if they hammered home the importance of mutual aid.Collection: Home
I think the important thing to understand about the free pony program is, of course, it is an absolutely free pony program, uh, there may be some incidental costs involved with pony social security or universal pony health care or the haystamp program so ponies won't starve in the streets.Collection: Health
Money should be for ponies, not for war, I think.Collection: War
I believed I paved the way for Donald Trump. I brought ridiculousness to politics and he saw an opening and just jumped on in there.Collection: Politics
Adults don't have the opportunity to pretend anymore.
I've been truly blessed with an amazing audience and fan and support base.
I have never intentionally been out to alienate anybody.
I think I would make a much better president than Ted Cruz, and with a little luck maybe I'll get more votes, but I'm not counting on it.
A vote for me is a vote completely thrown away.
Yes I am a politician - I will promise you anything your little electorate heart desires - because you are my constituents, you are the informed voting public, and because I have no intention of keeping any promise that I make.
I'm the only candidate that will fund time-travel research.
For too long, this country has been suffering a great moral and oral decay in spirit and incisors.
I'm a friendly fascist.
Jesus had told me to make Randall Terry gay.
The system! The whole stinking ball of wax. It's a scam!
The more ties you wear, the higher rank you are.
It is only the dogmatic, and the humorless, that don't succumb to my charm.
My wife knows me as Vermin. My mother knows me as Vermin. For all intent and purposes, that's my name.
It will create lots and lots of jobs once we switch over to a pony based economy.
I stand for mandatory toothbrushing laws.
Strong teeth for a strong America.
Anarchists believe we can run our lives without the government.
Yes, I will promise you anything your little elector heart desires... Of course, I have no intention of keeping any promise I make.
My involvement in politics was always to be the prankster and show the silliness of the situation.
You should let me run your life because I know what is best for you.
I've scrubbed many, many landmarks. I scrubbed the Kremlin back in '98. We had a mandatory-toothbrushing parade; we had the text of the mandatory-toothbrush law translated into Russian. And we had like 30 Russians; we had musicians; we had the giant toothbrushes. The police came and told us to stop, and we stopped.
I've always maintained that if I didn't have the boot and was talking serious things on the street corner, it would be very easy to ignore me.
As a social anarchist, I believe that capitalism itself is an inherently exploitative hierarchical situation - you do have a boss, you do have somebody in charge.
I'm just a regular guy.
People ask, Vermin, are you planning on using ponies as currency? The answer is no.
My neighbors know who I am and what I do, but they like me for who I am.
In a scholarly manner I have made it a habit to collect different crowd-control manuals, and I read them to the police sort of reminding them of basic tenants of crowd control, such as minimum use of force to effect an arrest. I tell... the police that they may have been put in a dangerous situation by their superiors.
Quite frankly, my constituency crosses a very wide swath of the political spectrum.
Free speech is very important.
Tom Brady should be a heartbeat away from the presidency, and that heartbeat should be mine.
I've run as a Democrat, but I was not a Democrat. And when I ran as a Republican, I was not a Republican. I was just utilizing the New Hampshire primary as a vehicle to put forward my satirical critique of the system.
When I was younger, it was very easy to ignore me because I was like some crazy hippie kid. But as I've gotten older, and I'm more gray and more lines on my face, it has given me a lot more gravitas.
I have been developing a set of iconographies, and the free ponies are indeed one of the more successful ones. The free ponies are used in a pejorative manner towards politicians and others that are promising free stuff.
All club owners are vermin. So I was Vermin Supreme with my Fabulous Galaxy Lounge.
I'm all about simple, elegant, and effective, and when I wear the rubber boot on my head, it draws a lot of attention.
My answer to the climate crisis is, has, and always will be weather domes!
I would love to see everybody get a pony, don't get me wrong.