Omid Djalili
It's only when there's equality that's when we'll see men really flourish.Collection: Equality
I used to be a very fit, athletic footballer. When I became a comedian, everything went to pot: long journeys; late-night food. I went from being a fit young man to a blob.
Baha'is follow teachings that include the oneness of humanity and the unity of religion.
To have a comedian stand up and use the shield of irony and the sword of truth, you're there to point out ridiculous things in society. Who better than a comedian to do that?
I had this malaise in me until people knew who I was or could see what I was capable of. Then I could relax. Then I could be myself.
My relationship to food has always been difficult, because I've always been overweight and I've always battled it.
If I've got to carry this bit of fat around my stomach for the rest of my life, then I apologise to my pallbearers. I'll be heavy when they carry my coffin.
Stand-up gets much harder as you become older You become more conscious of how great an art it is and more embarrassed about what you've done in the past.
Every time something happens in the Middle East, my phone goes off with radio stations wanting to ask my opinion, but I don't always want to give it and it's probably not always seemly either.
I couldn't care less whether 'Sex and the City 2' was disappointing. I got to spend a week with the four girls and it was wonderful.
My greatest ambition is to wake up every morning and not crave a full English breakfast.
I go for coffee with my wife every day.
I had spinal meningitis when I was 13.
Of course people assume I am a Muslim. Not that I have a problem with that because when you are an ethnic minority doing well, everyone tries to claim you.
But as a Bahai I don't reject Mohammed. Nor any other faith, because by rejecting one, you reject them all.
I keep doing stand-up because you just hope that you can get better and find the voice that you want. You have to get back on the road and try things out.
I think for any comedian to come and get big laughs from a really tough, discerning, comedy-literate audience, it is the biggest stamp of approval.
When people know there's going to be something silly they allow you the space to be political.
I understand the power of words and ideas as I get older and as I become more responsible as a stand-up. I think the media can really help by changing that syntax and vernacular.
Breakfast is French toast. It's very similar to English toast. The only difference is, when I'm eating it, a Turkish friend comes round and insults me.
I used to play Sunday football, but I have all but given up, because I'm too old and fat. After a 45-minute match I'd end up spending the rest of the day recovering in bed with baby oil and painkillers, knackered; a full 90 minutes would write off my whole week.
I actually get fired from films quite a lot.
I've been taking a selfie every night at exactly the same time for 10 years now. I delete the pictures as soon as I take them. I don't actually want to know what I look like, thanks.
I've always wanted to make serious films. Comedy's important, it's very good to laugh. But when I look back at all my favourite films, they're all drama.
I was very lucky to get a part in Gladiator and had a couple of scenes with Oliver Reed. I was basically a bit frightened of him.
Not the Nine O'Clock News' was the first comedy show I truly responded to when I was a teenager. I watched it avidly not just for pleasure but also for kudos.
Anything Rowan Atkinson touched turned to gold. His timing was impeccable and there seemed to be a deep intelligence behind what he was doing.
Being able to deliver a great set up is just as important as being able to deliver a punchline.
Unbelievably, I was to have an encounter with Mel Smith when he came to my school to watch 'The Scott Joplin Revue' - my first ever play. There was never a real explanation as to why he was there.
But the Baha'is have never been helpless victims of their tormentors. Iran's government abuses them and countless others; the Baha'is respond with a peaceful determination to serve their fellow Iranians and offer a hopeful vision of the future.
The Iranian government must respect the rights of all its minorities, release the seven leaders, and emancipate the Baha'i community.
The plight of the Baha'i community in Iran has served as a backdrop to my life growing up in London, particularly since the Islamic revolution in 1979.
If you're doing a film, the smallest nuance is so big on screen, so you have to learn to control your face.
I've always done tours, and just as I thought I was getting good, the tour stopped.
The big crowds are good, but when you're on stage at the Hammersmith Apollo it's like Euston station; there are 3,600 people, so there's always going to be 100 people getting up and moving around and it's very distracting.
I find with a 400-seater, there's something much more focused about it. I've never really had a bad gig in a 400-seat venue.
I used to dance every two minutes in between the stand-up. I can't even remember why I did that. It was mentioned to me that when I danced, audiences were laughing at me not with me. So it was either stop dancing or ban my manager from the gigs.
I will say that I'm not party political, I have no party agenda.
My English side really loves the royal family, and my Iranian side hates me for this.
And certainly in British culture, as I'm sure it's the same with American culture, we warm to cultures where people can make fun of themselves.
You can tell I'm a very, very British person, but I've kept my roots quite strong. I still speak Farsi.
I'm a Baha'i. I'm not a Muslim. I'm Baha'i. And the Baha'i faith is such a sweet faith.
I was six years old and in a show-and-tell session at school. The teacher had brought coconut shells, and said if you click them together, they sound like a horse. When it was my turn, I ran around pretending to be a horse and everyone fell about laughing.
There's so much terrible stuff in the clubs: you see audience's minds being polluted by awful language and base thoughts. But perhaps some people think that about my comedy.
I'm naturally more of an actor - I'm not saying I'm very good, but it's what I trained for.
Any actor in musicals would probably want to play Fagin or maybe Tevye in 'Fiddler on the Roof'.
My cut-off line is, you don't make fun of the prophet founders of a religion. That would just alienate people. But you can make fun of the foibles of people who follow a religion; Muslims or Jews. You can do that in a positive way.
I think it's a huge thing in a multicultural society that people know my name.
What I'm trying to do through comedy is to be a solution. I'm trying to do something because the world is so crazy. I'm going on tour just to try to make sense of it myself and to see if I can ask the right questions and provide the right answers.
I've always felt, and I think I've been pigeonholed by the media, as being a very separate voice to the rest of comedy.