Kristen Schaal
The more women sit down and write something in a woman's voice for a woman, they more you'll see women in comedy because gender doesn't define sense of humor. Imagination and intelligence and perspective do.Collection: Humor
No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.
My parents are pretty religious, devout, but did they force it on me? No, I don't think so. I still think of myself as a Lutheran, just one who doesn't go to church.
I probably shouldn't say this about all animals, but at least the farm animals that I've hung out with, and even when I go to the zoo usually, they're like a blank slate. I guess that's why I like them. They're puppets, and you can imagine them being anything you want.
I'm not really a control person, and I'm a big believer in collaboration. I like to have a friend.
I definitely do weird things every show.
Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.
I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.
I thought I would either be an epidemiologist or a 'Price Is Right' model.
Sometimes I try to sell shows with a female lead to networks, and that isn't something that's been a proven formula for them, so they reject it. I do feel like men get the funniest roles in movies.
In high school, I was doing a skit for forensics and people started laughing, more than I was prepared to deal with. It was a surprise.
I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.
I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.
I would be an actress for the rest of my life just because it's really relaxing. Writing is hard work, and stand-up is so stressful before you get on stage, but acting is a complete ensemble experience.
My style can't be held within a pixel medium. Like, it needs to be performed in a living, breathing space. People need to have all their senses ready to take on my comedy, and unfortunately, TV alienates at least their sense of touch, taste, smell.
I definitely had a Paul Rudd crush. He's great.
I loved 'Burning Love,' and I really do love almost everything Paul Scheer touches.
I don't enjoy reality television at all. I have to say that I get it, though. I watch some of it, and I understand why people enjoy it.
'Rock of Love' with Bret Michaels was fun. He's a lovable guy.
I love the idea that I have the power to look for the projects I can put myself into, but I'm still at that level of just being happy to have a job.
I've been lucky. The projects I've gotten to work on are projects I'd want to watch myself. That's what I try to shoot for.
I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can. 'Flight Of The Conchords' was so wonderful because I had a family for two years.
My sensibilities are like, 'I want it to be weirder.'
I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the eight minutes or 10 minutes she was allotted and had a blast.
You go from nobody looking at you to people taking second looks. I remember really loving it - and then feeling so guilty for loving it. Like, 'That's gross, Kristen.' Also, telling myself it could go away at any moment, and I'd be so sad.
I used to go to open mics in New York when I was starting out, and it was mostly just people who wanted an audience to look at them for eight minutes on a stage.
Being a correspondent on 'The Daily Show' is some combination of doing a character and doing stand-up. It's a juggling act to find a balance between being you and playing a role.
It's not hard to be a woman in comedy as long as you're also a writer. You have to create your opportunity.
I would love for people to know that the label 'feminist' is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.
Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.
Bad improv happens with people who are inexperienced with each other and don't know the craft that well. But bad stand-up is something that could happen to someone at any level in their career.
I would never bring a kid to a comedy show myself, but I have noticed that I can't stop other people from bringing their kids.
Animals in general have sparked a weird depression in me, because as much as I tried, I couldn't layer a personality over them. You know what I mean? I would stare at the cows, and I would sing to the cows, and they would always just look at me blankly.
I think it's great training for any comedian to start on cows. Because with cows, you expect them to be bored and just stare at you blankly. And that's exactly what you'll get at a comedy club. If you can toughen up with a cow audience, then you'll never be worried with a human audience.
In the U.K., there's absolutely no money for television. So you can do pretty much whatever you want. They're not losing money on any of the shows, so they'll give you a lot of creative freedom. In the United States, there are millions and millions of dollars at stake, so they need a sure formula.
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.Collection: Funny
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.Collection: Funny
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?Collection: Funny
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.Collection: Funny
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.Collection: Funny
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.Collection: Funny
I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.Collection: Lonely
This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.Collection: Funny
I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.Collection: Mean
Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.Collection: Funny
A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.Collection: Funny
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.Collection: Funny
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'Collection: Funny
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.Collection: Funny
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.Collection: Funny