Jimmy Fallon
If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.Collection: Dating
I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'm just tired of the snarky right now. I just want to lie down and have somebody make me laugh for an hour. Entertain me, and then I'm going to sleep with a smile on my face.' That's my job; that's what I do.Collection: Smile
My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass.Collection: Christmas
My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family's had forever, and it's on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating.Collection: Dating
I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.Collection: Positive
Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.Collection: Food
My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a ThinkPad.Collection: Computers
I want to be a dad. That's floating to the top of my list. I think it's such an important thing. I'm at the age where everyone has kids, and I ask them, 'Is it like a puppy?' And they go, 'It's 10 times a puppy.'Collection: Dad
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.Collection: Funny
Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking.Collection: Politics
Everyone looks so much better when they smile.Collection: Smile
I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I saw a shooting star, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.'Collection: Birthday
Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?'Collection: Medical
I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with.
You only think of the best comeback when you leave.
Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.
'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.
The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.
There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you're not smart enough. But those are the people you need to ignore, and those are the times you need to just keep doing what you love doing.
Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls. So basically, it's just like the iPhone.
We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something.
'Moldova: Yes or No?' That's a great app, and we actually used the geo-locator on your phone, so if you are in Moldova, it will say 'Yes, you're in Moldova.' I'm so excited. People need that. That's the whole point. The whole reason you buy a $500 phone is to see if you are... in Moldova. Or not.
The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all.
Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.
Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.
I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Then, I started meeting girls and I'm like 'You know, maybe I shouldn't be a Priest.'
I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.
They got a great performance from me. I was happy.
My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we had a surrogate.
I never sing in the shower. It's very dangerous.
I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.
I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.
L.A., it's nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.
Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.
Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'
I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year.
Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.
I like doing energetic things.
Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.
I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I'm just walking around my house, you know, talking like Jerry Seinfeld. 'What is that? What are you doing? Who is it? What's going' - you know, I just had that thing, when I grew up, I'd just start talking like people. You know, I always had that.
Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice.
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox.
You can't reinvent the wheel. I remember when we first started out at 'Late Night,' we were trying to hire directors, and this guy was like, 'I see you behind a glass desk.' I don't. And he's like, 'Yeah, the glass desk.' I go, 'I don't really see me as a glass desk guy.'
I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's like the - it's like your best friend for the rest of your life.
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie.
I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we found this script, Fever Pitch.
In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.
I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story.
I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos.
I like being absurd. Being silly.